I really don't know what forum I should be in any more. I am aware I am in the midst of those trying to repair their marriages and don't want to poison the atmosphere here.
I am not sure whether Hopefulness is the right forum either, it is very vague, isn't it?
This is what I feel at the moment.
I have tried for 18 months to repair my marriage, but although we have had ups and downs, H has said clearly that he will not come back, and he has flaunted his relationships with two OW the while.
I came to the realisation about two months ago or so that he is a full blown Narcissist. It is fascinating and depressing reading about it and knowing that H is right in there...
It afforded me a tremendous amount of relief. I am no longer trying to achieve the impossible.
I know for sure this is not merely a temporary MLC thing, although narcissists do experience MLC too, and it is not a pretty sight. My H is a narcissist experiencing MLC. I hate all this labelling, but it does help me to clarify what the options are.
I do not wish to be married to H any more. I would have to wait another two years before we could get divorced in this country. I am in no hurry to get divorced or remarry. But I think once we can get divorced, I probably will.
I feel right now that my best course of action is to forge a life for myself that involves H as little as possible, financially and otherwise. I wish him to have as little leverage over me as possible.
I do not want to deprive our D of a good relationship with her father, but I have got to the point that if it proves almost impossible to live a decent, stress-free life in the vicinity of H, I will consider upping sticks and going elsewhere. Constantly having stressful dealings with him on a weekly basis or more often, might just prove to be too much.
The last thing he did was send me an email which was decidedly unfriendly. He wants to lessen what he pays me for D and he wants us to sell our house.
He says I want to punish him. Far from it, I want a quiet life. I have gone past caring what he gets up to, frankly. I want us to have a stable arrangement that doesn't change every two minutes, and that recognises the work I do in bringing up our D. That's all.
The rest of my life is up to me. I am willing to take on that challenge. Just get off my back, H.
I realise that a friendship between us is not possible. It is pie in the sky. I want to work for cordial relations between us. Period.
I want to stop being rattled by every aggressive email from H. I want an agreement that is unequivocal, that doesn't need constant renegotiation.
Well, that's a list of my wants, next time I will see if I can come up with some concrete steps to take.
I may not make it much to this board for a while, as I am having my sister and her friend to stay.
To all those who have hearings and whatnot, I wish you the best - peace and justice.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
