Hi all, I havent any time to post, thought I'd just jot a quick note. Thank you Mollie and Kellie, everything you say is so on target. I struggle so much with the fact that we've been together so long, i cant visualize my life with out him no matter how hard I try. I hope I don't have to learn to. I also keep thinking I just don't know how much more of this I can take....
anyway, H SWEARS it is over....Sunday, S left with D to spend a month, and we were both in tears... I told H it just brought home to me how much I didnt want us to be apart. not A GOOD thing to say I"m sure...Sunday morning, H walked for about 3.5 hours, which upset me. I wouldnt be surprised if somehow/somewhere the "walk" involved some contact w/ow, because while he was gone I ran an errand, and he came out of the house when I pulled in the drive way and pulled me to him...we were both kind of tearful, he suggested we should do something fun...go to the lake--the next day....
come monday, he didnt want to go, because it was cloudy, he said...however, he did ask me to walk with him, took me to his weight room and showed me an exercise he recommends (that's a first, he used to make it clear he didnt want me around there), Put together a book shelf ON HIS OWN with no asking/prompting from me (gots lots of admiration for it!) and held my hand as we watched tv in the evening--we were sitting in separate chairs, and he reached across and took my hand. and held it.
I commented that I am still struggling with my fear and anxiety, and he said "you don't need to" ....I asked him what he would do if she wants to start back up, and he didnt directly answer my question, just said, "she doesnt want to, nothings happened in 2 years and she's not interested in going any longer"....so I don't know what to think.
I pray he's telling me the truth. something still feels "different" this time, though.
