Whoa there! Gotta slow down the mind a bit. Lots of ASSuming going on. I totally understand cuz I do it still too when H doesn't come home right when I think he should. It is soooo hard. You have to keep working on the trust and patience. It hasn't been very long since he told you he was ending it with her. I know you want instant fix but it just doesn't happen like that. His moods may be up and down for quite a while.
I believe most men want to ML with their wives to get closer and be comforted. Personally, I would go with it and have fun with it. One morning I "accidentally" let my H see new underwear while I was zipping my jeans. He never said a word and went off to work. But that night it was quite obvious he had been thinking about them all day! So don't send them--keep them with you (on you). I loved ellie's idea--I might try that some time!
As far as what should you do next?--what has been working? Keep doing it! I think you've made lots of progress but I know how it feels to want everything to be over and back to normal. It just can't happen that fast.
If your anxiety is getting the best of you, see your doctor for a little temporary help, or talk to someone you trust. Just go do something and get your mind off of it. Do something that really requires your concentration and focus.
You say the A has been going on for two years but I think he said it was over didn't he. I know it might be hard to believe, but act as if you do and see what happens.
Try to enjoy every moment with him--make him feel special, like you adore him. My H eats that up and he is a lot kinder than he used to be. Keep up the good work! I know you can do it!
