has anybody else made it through these???? I swear it's like a flash back, the anxiety. Part of the problem is I keep thinking of her going over to meet him at the out of town office on Saturdays for lunch when he was there. gee, I wonder what happened?????????????
Lots of ASSumptions here - maybe he's happy because he's finally at peace knowing he's made the right decision, and having sex with you?
As for your cubicle - can you get earplugs, or use those noise-canceling headphones? What can you do to improve the environment for you?
Also - what can you do to take care of yourself? All this anxiety will NOT help your H come home. (I took a long bubble bath with a glass of wine the other night, and it did wonders for my mood).
yes, I gotta get some headphones. except then I dont' know about hearing the phone ring. I'm wondering if I can find a place to get the lights that flash when it rings that people with hearing problems use?
I'm thinking of what else I could do for myself....not sure at this point. all these people here just drive me nuts, I don't do well with distractions and noise anyway, and when I'm anxious, it really puts me over the edge.
Okay - confession time - at the risk of appearing stupid before thousands of people - here's what I did once:
H and I went out to dinner. Being flirtatious. I went to the bathroom, and when I came back, I slipped my thong into his pocket.
H REALLY liked that. Couldn't wait to finish dinner and get home with me. And still has that thong in his truck to this very day! (I think he especially liked it because it was very out of character for me - I tend to be too serious amd conservative).
I think that might work better than mailing it to him.
I've been out of the office and then busy, so am just now getting back. I did pick up some ear plugs at lunch, and that helps a tiny bit.
I don't know if I should stay more backed off or just "let loose" with H....I swear I think, as some have suggested here, I just need a week away from EVERYTHING to hibernate...not sure how on earth I could arrange that though.
I want the hot steamy emails ow gets/got from him....I got one about an hour ago just saying he'd gone for a walk over lunch hour, and reminding me to pick up a furnace filter. darn it....I havent even responded to that one.
I just really don't understand. H has never been the "romantic" type, but he sure is with her. how's come I don't get that????? does that mean he's still connected with her????? will I ever get it????? will he get tired of it?????
I was thinking this afternoon, he said this morning "well you can relax" in reference to my anxiety.
before he left, he made a naughty reference that maybe we'd have a chance for some "heavy duty f-----" this weekend. I was sitting on the bed putting on hose, and I'm sure I looked at him with shock on my face, but I did manage to say "is that a challenge"? to which he replied "yes, if you're up to it"...I told him I liked challenges.
what is it with the sexathon stuff though???????????? I really dont' get it......6 months or a year ago he would throw fits that "its not all about sex" and he was insulted that I thought "it's all about sex"......?????????
So what, now the wife is for sex and the ow is for chores around the house????
I don't know, don't know what to think.
I was thinking of ordering some naughty lingerie from the internet and having it delivered to his office. but maybe that isnt a good idea. be my luck he'd take it to ow. I just do not understand. He does seem eager for sex, told me last weekend or the weekend before that ow "got tired of it, he guessed he couldnt blame her"??????????
Is it possible for him to go from weeping and mourning all night to being so happy in 2 days if he isnt back with her????? the guys nuts and it's getting on my last good nerve.
I did find some interesting "naughty" lingerie on the net, along with videos on erotic dance. maybe I'll order those just for fun if nothing else.
I must have tried to call one of the attorneys this afternoon 2 dozent times and her line was busy the whole time. The woman needs another line. I may go out to my car and try to call again from my cell phone. blehhhhhhhhhhhh, I'm tired of this stuff. I want my H back, unencumbered by ow....
I'm really unsure of what to do next....keep on as I have been?
"act as if"????, step up the pursuit????? change directions and back waaaaayyyyy off? I dunno........
Have I made progress here lately, do you all think????? I'm honestly not sure. what I'd been really trying to do for the last several months was make no mention of ow/a and just act "as if"....but then last weekend (weekend before?) H told me he had no intention of deciding, he was going to just let things go on as they were, he figured he could "keep that thing (the A) toned down there" and keep up with things here and keep everybody happy, but now he sees he can't do that.?????????????????????
I really am unsure how to respond in light of the new info that's come up the last couple of weeks. this damned A has been going on for 2 years now!
Whoa there! Gotta slow down the mind a bit. Lots of ASSuming going on. I totally understand cuz I do it still too when H doesn't come home right when I think he should. It is soooo hard. You have to keep working on the trust and patience. It hasn't been very long since he told you he was ending it with her. I know you want instant fix but it just doesn't happen like that. His moods may be up and down for quite a while.
I believe most men want to ML with their wives to get closer and be comforted. Personally, I would go with it and have fun with it. One morning I "accidentally" let my H see new underwear while I was zipping my jeans. He never said a word and went off to work. But that night it was quite obvious he had been thinking about them all day! So don't send them--keep them with you (on you). I loved ellie's idea--I might try that some time!
As far as what should you do next?--what has been working? Keep doing it! I think you've made lots of progress but I know how it feels to want everything to be over and back to normal. It just can't happen that fast.
If your anxiety is getting the best of you, see your doctor for a little temporary help, or talk to someone you trust. Just go do something and get your mind off of it. Do something that really requires your concentration and focus.
You say the A has been going on for two years but I think he said it was over didn't he. I know it might be hard to believe, but act as if you do and see what happens.
Try to enjoy every moment with him--make him feel special, like you adore him. My H eats that up and he is a lot kinder than he used to be. Keep up the good work! I know you can do it!
Hi Mollie. I know you are right on the money about so much stuff here, but what is really getting to me is that this is the 5th time I have heard that it's over...maybe even 6th. I can quote the dates....lets see, June 6 2004; that time he bawled and carried on like a baby for a whole weekend, I actually held him like a little kid for days at a time then. wham he cheered up and was back w/her by the time we left for vacation two weeks later. Labor day weekend, last fall....pretty much the same story, he tells me "this other thing is over"...and I know because of emails I found that they were back together by 9/15 or 16. let's see, next time would be I believe December 23...I found out about an out of state trip he took with her and read him the riot act, got the "it's over" song and dance and crying routine....January 27 or 28/05....I confronted him because I realized he was taking his ring off when ever he was at work....(he still hasnt worn it for 6 weeks now) and got a song and dance number about "its over, she asked him not to rub it in her face" so he didnt wear it around her ; April 20, 2005, I confront him when he makes all kinds of last minute excused not to attend the required annual dinner meeting here at work. I got there, realize the w---e wasnt there either, went home steamed, confronted him, go the "it's over" spiel repeated about 5 times that night, then saw a phone bill where they'd been on the phone for an hour 2 days before the meeting. coincidence????? and now....all this comes after she read my emails to him, his to me, 9 days ago....only thing that's different is his email from earlier that "you can rest assured that the other relationship has been addressed and taken care of for good"....I cant seem to help thinking "yeah right"....this just seems to me like an inordinate amount of time and lies told, I don't know, maybe it's not. I wish I knew. Obviously, I believe, my acting as if and choosing not mention ow/a was helping to maintain his idiotic idea that he could keep both his M and his A going.
I really dont know what to do. I hate like hell to give up on my M, I really do love him, but........?????
Has anyone ever gotten it back together after this long?????
; April 20, 2005, I confront him when he makes all kinds of last minute excused not to attend the required annual dinner meeting here at work. I got there, realize the w---e wasnt there either, went home steamed, confronted him, go the "it's over" spiel repeated about 5 times that night, then saw a phone bill where they'd been on the phone for an hour 2 days before the meeting. coincidence????? and now....all this comes after she read my emails to him, his to me, 9 days ago....only thing that's different is his email from earlier that "you can rest assured that the other relationship has been addressed and taken care of for good"....I cant seem to help thinking "yeah right"....this just seems to me like an inordinate amount of time and lies told, I don't know, maybe it's not. I wish I knew. Obviously, I believe, my acting as if and choosing not mention ow/a was helping to maintain his idiotic idea that he could keep both his M and his A going.