Deb - It's okay to say "look, H, I know you need to talk about this stuff, but it is just really unfair for you to torture me by telling me how much you loved her. You need to talk to someone else who won't be so wounded by what you are saying."
Not that they don't need to talk to us about it - but really, he went way over the line in that convo.
And do go see the attorney - it will help you figure out how to put yourself in a good place financially.
He's lost, confused, and I think if you stick to the high road, he'll get through this. But YOUR behavior has to be so good, kind and unconditionally loving that he can recognize how manipulative and selfish hers is (takes them a while after withdrawal to see this - took my H a few months to admit it).
And you need to make YOUR life so exciting and interesting that it starts to look like someplace he wants to go too.
One thing that helped my H at this stage, sounds silly, but I took a new name, and gave him a new one too. He was "Jacques" and I was "Isabella". Somehow, him being able to think of me as his "new" girlfriend made it easier for him.
