Deb, if I were you I would just forget about the deadline for now. And don't discuss it with him. Just let it come and go. I made so many deadlines in my mind and I could never stick to them. Let things move naturally without trying to control the outcome and when it happens.
When you see him tonight, smile and ask him how he is. Don't initiate any R talk. If he starts in maybe you can tell him you'd like to just relax tonight and not talk about anything. Act as if you are feeling pretty good today. Don't let on that you are hurting or feeling sad or sorry for yourself--this is pressure on him. Many times I wanted to break down or start asking for reassurance but I knew I had to bite my tongue and get passed it. And don't bad mouth her in front of him, he will probably want to defend her.
Can you make some physical change for yourself? I would buy clothes, get a tan, get my nails done--things I never did before. Some Vic Secret underwear. I loved buying new underwear--made me feel good. I did it for me, not for him. But boy did he notice!
Only you will know when you have had enough and you just can't live with this anymore. But you aren't there now so try to just leave him alone and let him get through this and you keep moving ahead with what you want to do for you.
