My H would also never just flat-out tell me to backoff...but he'd certainly clam up in a hurry and there would be that invisible barrier between us.
I have a tendancy (and I think you might too) to feel like we aren't working at things unless we are having these big meaningful conversations....I've learned, that's not so. My H HATES to discuss what I feel we need to discuss (if for no other reason that to get it out in the open)...he's not comfortable with discussing feelings, or talking about sex....at all. But he's getting better. Partly because I've mentioned to him that "the only way to stop being uncomfortable talking about these things is....to talk about them." That was as simple as the statement was...and I dropped it...we moved on to talking about something fun.
This one statement has stuck with him....he even brought it up in our counseling session last week and quoted me to our C...saying he knew I was right about that; so I know he's thinking about what I said.
For me...my best approach with my H is to try to spark conversations without a full-frontal assault so-to-speak LOL. I'll read passages in books that I find interesting or pertinent out loud to him.....and then ask his opinion on it....then I'll usually follow that up with asking if he thinks what I just said applies to me (which always ends up with me finding out whether it applies to him too.) I kind of sneak in under the radar....because he ends up talking to me more in just a casual conversational way...rather than in a big discussion. That approach might work well with your H too.
I've had to learn to back waaaaaay off of him H, and I'm finding he's slowly coming to me....he's beginning to say things out of the blue he'd never say (relationship-wise) and he's beginning to be more sexual....probably because he doesn't feel pressured
