karen, I'm also a Scorpio (actually double Scorpio because Scorpio is also my rising sign)-- 11/13-- but I started college in the fall of 1967. Born in 1948.
I’ve got a question for you all, but first I need to tell you what has been happening for the last few of weeks.
Just a reminder that I talked to H on 5/17 via a letter. Then, we had another couple of talks on the 19th. From the 17th through the 24th, we made love 5 times. Not bad after an 8 month dry period.
On the 29th, I found out that my grandmother had died, so we all flew out for her funeral. She was 90, had lived a good life, so while sad, I wasn’t devastated.
I had my period over Memorial weekend and then H had an earache caused by a bad cold and then flying. So, 15 days go by without making love. No big deal, considering what has been going on, so I’m not complaining there. H initiated on 6/8.
Other parts of our relationship are going well. We spend a lot of time together, are affectionate with one another and the kids. On the surface, life is excellent.
Now, here are my gripes and I need to know if I should push or if I should let it go and enjoy our life.
1. H had started reading SSM. He put it up prior to his mother’s visit a couple of weeks ago and has not pulled it back out. I have no idea where the book is, so I can’t go get it and lay it on his desk… Do I push him to read it? 2. I had asked him a couple of questions about his feelings about discussing sex, but never got a reply and then there was the funeral. Do I bring it back up or let sleeping dogs lie? 3. I sent him GEL’s Ten Key Intimacy Needs questionnaire and asked him to list his and what he thought were mine. I did this last night, haven’t gotten a response back or acknowledgement that he even read the email. Again, do I push?
I guess I need to know whether I should push the relationship discussions and book reading when things are going so well? By doing so, am I telling him through my actions that I am not satisfied with his efforts?
And he is trying so hard. He makes sure that we spend time together daily – even if it’s just holding hands and watching TV. He initiates affection in our daily lives – not sloppy, wet kisses or other sexually laden come ons – but real affection; simple touches, acknowledgements that he is aware that I am here and he’s happy that I am. We talk constantly about our daily lives, what’s happening with the kids, what we’re doing, etc.
So, again, do I let him off the hook and just enjoy our life?
My honest response to your post was.....WHOA Nellie!!! I feel like you're charging at him guns a-blazin. Of course I know you've also just summed up what's going on with you two.
He may NEVER read the book, most of our spouses never do....don't push him to read it or he may resist and that book may never see the light of day (by his doing) again....you might at some point ask what he thinks of it, since you noticed him reading it one time. But I wouldn't keep setting it out for him to see etc. He knows where the book is if he wants to read it.
Also, I just posted those intimacy needs last night....don't expect him to respond quickly on this...it may take him awhile to figure out what his are, it wasn't easy for me (and I thought I knew myself pretty well). I'd at least give him a few days to think about it and then maybe ask if he's had a chance to fill it out...if he hasn't then offer to sit down and work on it together (for both of you).
You are like me in the fact that we both want to jump in and fix things, NOW. LOL. And we want our H to "want" to fix things just as much as we do. I believe both of our H's want to fix things....but they go about doing things differently than we do.....we cannot force our style of problem solving on them, we have to find a happy medium (and that's been the hardest thing for me).
I think I have finally managed to find that "happy medium" with my H....we're now talking more, he's now more physical etc. But it took me saying what I want to say....and then backing waaaaaay off for him to come out of his shell.
Also, something I do to draw my H out is to read out loud to him (he's not a fan of reading)....so if nothing else in a few days if your H hasn't filled out the list you gave him, read one out loud (like you're trying to read it and do it for yourself) and ask his opinion, does he think you value this....does he value it?
Sounds like you guys are doing great though, just relax a bit
I agree with GEL that he may never read the book. My H read the first chapter, and I never pushed him to read more. I read some passages of PM to him, but it was clear that he wasn't getting into it, so I let it go.
Talking to him about things that are important to you, though, that is a whole different ball of wax. I do think you can initiate discussions and ask that he follow through. You can do it in a way that he knows his actions are appreciated, you are not criticizing him, but you want to take it to the next level.
It sounds like he is making a very big effort, so let him know that you appreciate it, whether or not you end up talking about your gripes.
He's just had a few experiences I haven't!
Born in 1948. 
