I think (and anyone tell me if you think I'm off base here)...the point of this first conversation isn't necessarily to get him to do anything; it's to communicate how the lack of intimacy in your R is affecting YOU. Then you can build on what to do from there.
Perhaps ask him if he'd be willing to go to a couples counselor with you. However, I suggest if you do ask this...that you reinforce you want to make your M better and not validate a reason for leaving....that really helped me when it came to getting my H to a therapist with me....and THAT was the single best thing we could have done for our M.
