I was hoping that our first conversation would not include any ultimatums. If it’s necessary, I will make them, but I feel like that backs him into a corner. That’s not a happy place to be and it breeds resentment. It’s like treating him like my 12 year old who doesn’t get the grade in school that I know that she can. That’s demeaning, isn’t it?
Can I live without sex? Yes. If he had some physical problem that made him unable to perform, I would not leave him. Nor, do I want a performance based on desperation. I want him to want me for me, not because of some consequence.
So, if there needs to be a goal and a consequence, I would say communication. Once a week, we sit down. Each of us brings a relationship issue, or a question, and we discuss it.
I don’t know what a suitable consequence would be for failure to talk. We’re both bound to fail the first time. Hell, I don’t even know what I would bring to the table. I don’t have any problems that are not sexually related and that topic is going to make him so uncomfortable I might not get another chance.
Do I go for the heart of the matter right away? Do I ask him if he wants me? If he looks at and masturbates to porn rather than makes love to me?
God, this scares the hell out of me. What if he says that he doesn’t want me anymore? To think it is one thing, to actually hear it would devastate me.
