ME, You sound very angry. Don't get me wrong, I've been there and that is NOT a criticism. But I think in order for the discussion to be productive you will have to check the anger at the door and really approach him as a vulnerable human being that wants to rebuild your M with him. If you are on the attack, even subtly, he will sense it and either clam up or get mad.
Passionate Marriage helped me tremendously with dialogue. I too needed a script in order to get started. There was so much to SAY that I didn't know where to start and I sure as heck couldn't trust myself to say it nicely. Many many times I didn't say it nicely and impeded my own progress. I emasculated him with my words, ME, and I regret so deeply today. Years later, those words are still in his head. How do I know this? Because he will bring them up, from time to time, when we are calmly discussing things and I realize that they stung him far worse than he let on. I wish I could take it back and un-utter them. Quite honestly, I meant them at the time. But there are a ton of brutally honest things that I think about people but would never say them out loud. I should have given him this same consideration.
You've made a huge mistake in sweeping everything under the rug and avoiding conflict but you can rectify it now. That is one of the realizations that hit me the hardest..in my sexual starvation, I was unaware that I was as angry at myself (for selling myself out and not insisting on a sex life from the get go) as I was at him.
I'm sure he gets uncomfortable in discussing sex but that will lessen over time. I am continually amazed at the types of convos I'm able to have with H now and the words! The WORDS! We used to stumble all over ourselves, not sure whether to say "making love" or "having sex" or "doing it", etc. The only way to change this dynamic is to stop participating in it. Initiate a conversation when you are feeling warm and fuzzy towards him and spill your guts to him, as you have done to us. Keep it light, if possible, and inquire about his preferred frequency and divulge what yours is. He sounds inexperienced and awkward in regards to sex, but I don't think that means there is a death knell tolling for your sex life, do you?
Keep the faith, stay calm, deep breaths, you can do this. You can bring it up and be loving-but-firm at the same time. You can stand your ground and reconnect with him and make your M better than it's ever been.
One suggestion might be to write down the major points you want to go over so that you can sorta practice what you'd like to say.
Oh, and try to space it out. I made (and continue to make, doh!) the mistake of overwhelming and overloading H with info and questions. By the time I bring it up, I have so many dang questions that I can't stop myself from talking. I need to read his cues and when he's had enough, adjourn the convo and tell him we'll take it up another day. And then follow thru with that.
Good luck; it's all up from here if that's any consolation.
