ME-- I thought I'd stop in to say, "hang tough" with your husband. Us guys are not the quickest to catch on to what you're feeling. I'm a LDH...or was when S was an option. I was addicted to MB and looked at internet porn. I didn't think there was a problem. I had convinced myself that ML to my wife was too much of a chore. And, in my mental state, it sometimes was. There was a LOT of background noise in my head that made ML into work. Throw into that a dose of CSA that caused me to be afraid of hurting someone I love with S...and the SHOCK of discovering that during my first official performance on our wedding night. It led to 13 years of some of the same behaviors I see from your H. I'm not saying that all LDM have these issues, but these are good things to explore.
I've decided that it's my purpose in life to speak out about these issues. I'm losing my M because of it. I don't want to see others do the same. I made mistakes...BIG mistakes in my S relationship with my W. Try to convince your H to see a counselor. Test the waters to see what back issues exist that could cause him to act the way he does.
Most importantly, try to understand that to be "that" guy...with a LD...is something that torments us too. It's not something you can talk about with your buddies. You know something's wrong but you're too embarrassed to address it...even with the person you love. So, you seek easy options that don't involve others...MB was mine (as well as a couple of other LDH's I'm friends with on this BB).
You did the right thing by writing and email to your H. It sometimes takes that "frying pan" to the head to make us wake up...and seeing these things in writing give us time to REALLY digest it. Like your H, I never really HEARD my wife when she tried explaining how she felt because I was too busy trying to figure what my defense was going to be.
Sorry for the long post. This just REALLY hit home for me. ME you are doing many good things...I just wanted to provide perspective from a LDH. The help you get on this BB is AMAZING from GEL, JJ, FF and many others.
