ME, welcome to the forum. In addition to reading SSM, I would recommend that you read Passionate Marriage, by David Schnarch. Read some archives in this forum, if you can find the time. There have been many wise and articulate people to grace this place, and many success stories hidden among the frustration, anger and pain here.
I identify with every emotion you have expressed. I too lived in a SSM where we often went months without any physical contact. We have made a lot of progress in my marriage, my H and I have put in a lot of hard work and it is paying off. He now knows how important this is to me, and is willing to put in the effort necessary to sustain our relationship. Ditto from my side. I am happy to report that we now have a regular, passionate and varied love life, but more importantly, we have a loving, giving and healthy relationship.
You have stated many times in your original post that you don’t communicate your desires or your unhappiness to him, because you want to be wanted. You may want to rethink your stance on this. Read PM, it will help you understand the dynamics at play here, and give you ways of working through your feelings.
Good luck to you! I hope you will have the strength to make the necessary paradigm shift in your own thinking, as well draw boundaries for your H.
