Welcome aboard, sorry you're here.

Like the others have said, your story sounds very familiar. If I had started posting here about 6 yrs ago, I could have written that post. And maybe then I would have gotten better results than I have now.

I'm afraid I have to echo what JJ said about porn. I too went for many years thinking my H's L - no - ND was due to depression, or something I said or did, or ate too much of ...'till I found the stash of porn in the closet and on the computer.

I wish I could tell you I've had good results. I'll just send wishes that you don't have to go through what I've been going through.

The goals sound good. I've been a stay at home parent from time to time, and even now spend most of my day (and all summer) with the kids, and I will tell you it is VERY important to one's sanity to touch base with adults once in a while!!! I became very resentful that H seemed to see me more as nurse-maid than W.

You probably will meet with a lot of resistance, at least in the beginning, and be sure to choose your words carefully, so that H doesn't feel that you're 'attacking' him. I think our LDH's have to fight the added stigma of going against what society 'expects' of them. One piece of advice about the talks. I wouldn't chase him if he runs away at first. He's heard what you said, let him stew in it a little. Then bring it up again the next day. Eventually, when he realizes you're serious, not attacking him, and he's had a chance to let it rattle in his head a bit, he should start coming round.

If there's one thing you should learn, if you haven't yet realized it: this is not about you. Of course, some of your actions or lack of action has contributed to your sitch, but it's not because you're somehow unattractive, or overweight, or angry or probably even because he doesn't love you. He's built up some strong walls, for whatever reason, and he's the only one who can break them down. Your job is to make sure he understands how important it is to you that he does break those walls down.

Good luck!!!!!