191 days and counting... maybe that's how I should start each post - with the number of days since H and I have made love....
OK, I've been busy since my last post. I went and had a good cry first because writing it all down for others to read was rather cathartic. It feels as if a bit of the weight has lifted from my chest.
Secondly, I wrote H an email. I have found that if I want him to really hear me, I’ve got to send my thoughts to him in writing or he becomes so busy defending himself that he doesn’t really hear.
This is the gist of what I wrote:
Quote:
I have ordered a book – The Sex Starved Marriage. I would like both of us to read it as it’s been almost 8 months since we have made love.
Today, I found a forum and I have learned that Low Drive men do not equate love with sex. This is a relief. While I am not convinced that you love me, there is a sort of peace within me.
So, just so you know. I am dealing with the fact that you don’t want me anymore.
I’m trying to figure out if you love me.
I’m trying to decide if I love you enough to become/remain celibate.
I am dealing with my own decreased sexual self-confidence. I’ve allowed this to mess with me so much that I can’t have an orgasm anymore. This makes me angry with myself and makes me resent you more than I already do.
Just thought that I'd let you know.... and ask you to read the book after I do. If we continue this way, our marriage will end. In my eyes, you are no different than XXXXX - a man that I care about, but don't have sex with. How do you keep a marriage going with those feelings? I don't know. That's what I'm trying to figure out.
As always, I don't expect you to talk to me because you can't or won't talk about anything that has to do with real feelings, nor is this an ultimatum. I'd just like for you to give this some thought. And at least try with the book.
I feel it's only right to give a heads up if his world is going to be rocked...
