The trick here is to work on yourself, be detached from his emotions and actions, and carry on with making your own life everything it can be, all while leaving the door open for him to do his part if he wants to make an R possible with you. I'm not trying to imply it's easy, but in the long run it's one of the few things that work..
Reading DB and DR can be of great help in knowing what to do, and especially with what not to do while trying to establish a R. Only you can give yourself the gift of self-respect, however it won't guarantee that others will. They have to be left to make that decision for themselves. At least, though, you'll be a lot better off if they don't see things the right way. Don't be afraid of someone else's opinion, even if you know that their observation is wrong. Call it confidense and positive thinking.
Your happiness depends on yourself, and shouldn't be dependent on someone else or there will likely be problems.
So, try your best to get yourself and your life together, and hope that XH can see fit to really want to be a part of that life.
If he wants to do otherwise, accept it as best you can, and follow through on receiving any finances rightfully due you if that's the case. I don't think he should be trying to barter things like this with you, such as you having to drop the suit before he will work on the M. Could be he's just leading you on with this, and has the intention of disappointing you after the court relieves him of some of his financial responsibilty.
