Maybe you could write in a few more details, but it looks to me like your XH is not as serious about any reconcilliation as he wants to sound like he is. If he were more serious about it, his actions (not so much his words) would inform you of this.
If you, however, don't suck up to him, regardless of his antics, he's quick to point a finger at you and say "See? You're not making any changes!". His feeble attempt to justify his own actions without taking responsibility for himself.
This is what i read in your post, and I could be wrong based on only a little information. But....
If you want to reconcile, he really has to want the same thing or you'll be wasting your efforts. It depends on just how important it is to you, what you're willing to put up with.
If you reach a conclusion that you don't want to be a doormat, let him know and go about your business of reclaiming a life for yourself. This would include arranging any finances he may owe you from the M.
