I thought I have tried everything. I have started looking nice, have the house looking good, good attitude and not talking about negative subjects. All I got was you can do better than this. He is not remorseful of what he has done or what he is doing. We get together at least once a month when he is town to rekindle but this past weekend he was on the phone and on the internet talking with women. What am I to do? We are divorce but I guess that I had planned to go back to court get more money and then he said that if I dropped the suit he would work on the marriage. Well he said he tried and he is back to old ways. I don't want to go back to my old ways and yelling and screaming but I have run out of money to pursue this court case again. It is still on the docks so I guess I just need to initiate it again. If I do this my x says that I haven't changed a bit (when he says it, it looks like he is trying to get me out of his life not back into it). I feel money talks for him but I really don't want to be his enemy. What do I do?
If you really want your H back, try reading Divorce Busting and Divorce Remedy before doing anything. Then give us some more details of your situation so we can try to help.
I know you are hurting, feel lost and alone but you have found a site that can greatly enhance your chances of improving your relationship.
Read the stories about people who have busted there divorces. This will give you some inspiration.
Maybe you could write in a few more details, but it looks to me like your XH is not as serious about any reconcilliation as he wants to sound like he is. If he were more serious about it, his actions (not so much his words) would inform you of this.
If you, however, don't suck up to him, regardless of his antics, he's quick to point a finger at you and say "See? You're not making any changes!". His feeble attempt to justify his own actions without taking responsibility for himself.
This is what i read in your post, and I could be wrong based on only a little information. But....
If you want to reconcile, he really has to want the same thing or you'll be wasting your efforts. It depends on just how important it is to you, what you're willing to put up with.
If you reach a conclusion that you don't want to be a doormat, let him know and go about your business of reclaiming a life for yourself. This would include arranging any finances he may owe you from the M.
The trick here is to work on yourself, be detached from his emotions and actions, and carry on with making your own life everything it can be, all while leaving the door open for him to do his part if he wants to make an R possible with you. I'm not trying to imply it's easy, but in the long run it's one of the few things that work..
Reading DB and DR can be of great help in knowing what to do, and especially with what not to do while trying to establish a R. Only you can give yourself the gift of self-respect, however it won't guarantee that others will. They have to be left to make that decision for themselves. At least, though, you'll be a lot better off if they don't see things the right way. Don't be afraid of someone else's opinion, even if you know that their observation is wrong. Call it confidense and positive thinking.
Your happiness depends on yourself, and shouldn't be dependent on someone else or there will likely be problems.
So, try your best to get yourself and your life together, and hope that XH can see fit to really want to be a part of that life.
If he wants to do otherwise, accept it as best you can, and follow through on receiving any finances rightfully due you if that's the case. I don't think he should be trying to barter things like this with you, such as you having to drop the suit before he will work on the M. Could be he's just leading you on with this, and has the intention of disappointing you after the court relieves him of some of his financial responsibilty.
