Quote: If I was her, I would have racked up a few more points in your love bank. Most women love being taken care of, even if they are independent.
I hope this is true with W, Jo. One of my early, often repeated mistakes in our early M, was to assume W could just 'tough it out' with me. I assumed she could handle things - being the over-achiever that she was. Instead, she really needed me to be the soft spot for her to land on. I saw slight appreciation, guardedness (like "will he hold this over my head now") Saturday night, with her definitely pulling back on the phone Sunday night. I don't plan on ever mentioning helping her out Saturday again.
Merrick wrote:
Quote: how do we minimize the potentially crushing vulnerability of showing such [unconditional]love.
I heard a very important message in church this weekend - to trust my God's faithfulness, to trust His keeping of His covenant with me. I can handle the other stuff, including pain, if He has my back.
Koshka wrote:
Quote: I hope your W will let the anger go before it eats too deeply into her. Surely this will open her eyes to the ways you have grown.
I think there will be a need for slow, repeated healing and forgiveness thru her own work and my 'proving' time after time trustworthy of her vulnerability again. I remember breathing a happy prayer of thanks 'for the opportunity' as I raced off to pick up her and S5 Sat night. I later thanked her for calling me.
Russ wrote:
Quote: i saw SW #3 tonight, good show, how was your S watching SW?
Russ, S5 saw the 'old' SW movies. He won't see the latest episode (III) until he's older due to the darkness and violence. Doesn't stop him from attacking Dad well with his light saber, tho!
UD wrote:
Quote: It is a dilemma, because one wants not to have children stuck in the middle of this, but they are the thread that holds a family together in these conditions.
Excellent description of the dilemma. I just won't squelch his dreams and I know that he binds us together like nothing else. Also:
Quote: In some ways I feel that my W was unable to balance three responsibilities - work, marriage and child.
Nice point. I think if this happens, the W may 'lose herself' and needs to do the identity work to be sure of her choices. Your comment about trying to think thru an issue of the heart fits well. It may indeed slow down this identity and true valuing of M work.
Martha wrote:
Quote: For me, being open and vulnerable means putting my defense mechanisms down, regardless who I am interacting with. When I am able to do this, I experience the interaction much more fully. ... would being open and vulnerable mean giving up control?
Thanks for putting this topic out here, M. After reading Deida's work, I came up with a visualization of myself with open body posture - nothing crossed, but open, relaxed, breathing deeply and use that to keep my thoughts and actions positive and focused on W, not fear-focused.
Update Came down with 'pink-eye' myself - yuck! Couldn't I at least get some nookie from W if I'm going to be contracting stuff from her? After I called W this am to get S5's whereabouts for pickup, I found out he has it, too. Spent 4 hrs in waiting for W's MD treatment, 2 this am for me, and will be taking S5 to MD's this afternoon. W seemed ready to pull her hair out, near tears about having blatant pink-eye 3 days before flying out, needing to teach today as such, and lots to do to prepare for her trip. I felt genuine in my validation of her feelings, and told her I'd take care of S5, for her only to focus on herself.
Crazy day so far. Little work done, but I'll tackle it tonight and early morn Tue. Still gonna hit the gym quickly before picking up S5 for MD appt.
Couldn't I at least get some nookie from W if I'm going to be contracting stuff from her? 
