Calm down everyone, calm down! (j/k) I'm not asking anyone out to dinner just now. I'm too full from munchin on pistachios while reading all your posts!
I see truth to both sides of this, and do think there's a difference for WAH vs WAS. But I do know my W, and she ain't ready.
But she's definitely softening.
There was a BIG test today. At S5's swim lesson, W told me her condo won't be ready until late Sept/early Oct. To be honest, part of me is frustrated, while the rest of me is just fine with it. She's paying me a fair rent, and I'll make money off of this arrangement for 2 more months. She seemed to tense up when telling me, but I responded calmly, noting "Well, my lease runs thru that time, and I know that you can't control that." I even was able to validate her frustration.
This seemed to relax her, and she talked about her day, S5's space camp experience today, and her condo plans. After his lesson, she asked me if I wanted to see S5 float on his back, and I said yes. W disrobed in front of me, and seemed to strut her stuff to the pool a bit - she looks great. I was able to compliment his swimming and her effort.
This was no small event, given the context. I had 3 female undergrads from my current classes there working as swim instructors/lifeguards, saying "Hello!" to me, which would have sent W into a vicious jealousy rage in the past. And in the past, I would have anticipated that and frozen up. Instead, I stayed relaxed, stayed focused on her, and she seemed to stay relaxed as well.
When S5 called tonight, W told me a bit of her Hawaii plans, and I was able to note that I was happy that she was going on this adventure. I feel myself moving from "As-If-ing" with some of my controlling self seeping thru to worry, to a genuine happiness for her growth.
To be honest, part of me is frustrated, while the rest of me is just fine with it. She's paying me a fair rent, and I'll make money off of this arrangement for 2 more months. She seemed to tense up when telling me, but I responded calmly, noting "Well, my lease runs thru that time, and I know that you can't control that." I even was able to validate her frustration. 
