The WAW is full of pessimism. And you know what, they project massively on us and it puts them in a negative spiral. My W says I am unhappy and pessimistic. Hmm...lets see...who is the one that sees no hope for the marriage and cannot work on the issues- last time I checked that sort of defined pessimism? And pessimism clearly is a catch-22.
The one thing that consistently helped in the long stretch was for me to GAL and not react to her unpleasantness. In fact, now, when she vents (about world hunger, the North Korean missile situation, a nuclear Iran, whatever) I use it as an opportunity to DB. To be the best listener possible (courtesy Deida and Thich Nhat Hanh). Someone wise pointed out that men connect through sex and women connect through talk (except the talk lasts MUCH longer, lol, sorry ladies). So many times I have kicked myself for not being a better DBer when my W vents and I sort of stem the tide by not being attentive or by saying something stupid that stops her short. So, by letting her unload her feelings you are helping her get closer to you. I have actually gotten better at that over time, I really have. If only I could figure out what else I am doing wrong. I am thinking about that and will post soon regarding my new approach.
I commiserate with you regarding your S5. It is amazing that our WAWs cannot appreciate that there are a vast number of children out there with irresponsible fathers and here we are, willing to give everything to our kids and they cannot see through their own pain. Well, sometimes I actually feel sorry for the WASs. They are caught in this vortex and are drawing everything around them into it. (In the past year my W's favorite word is "salvage", as in "what are we trying to salvage here?". Another one at the beginning was "pulling the plug" as in so-and-so is "pulling the plug" on the marriage. Interesting metaphor for marriage- it's a ship, not it's a bathtub, not it's an electric appliance, ).
Keep your balance (you are doing an exemplary job).
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
).
