Hi Gabriel:

Apropos of your statements:
"I had separate convos with two guys who got D'd without any kids and I found myself sooo very grateful for S5's presence in my life. Experienced great appreciation, warmth toward W for giving him to us as well. He brings so much more joy and hope to the sitch." (Ooh, mastered cut and paste, I am getting there...)- This is so true. But it is a double-edged sword isnt it. My D3 sustains me, but it also causes me so much pain that she is stuck in the middle of this mess. I have a really hard time dealing with that paradox. I guess it is as it is.

"W just called from the car to tell me they're nearly back "home" from visiting ILs." - Even after two years of separation I still have twinges of pain in my ribs when she calls her place "home". I see that you are still using quotes around that word! And it seemed that your problems surfaced only a few months ago (I think though that in most cases the spouse has been disgruntled for a long time and only threw the bomb after much internal strife).

"She doesn't quite seem ready to do anything with us three, and I don't think asking and getting rejected is good for the sitch." - You know, I really dont know if it matters one way or another. Personally, my W, I and my D3 have been having dinner together once or twice a week (on the upside of the rollercoaster even more) and lunch every Saturday for the past two years!! But nothing has changed her road to a divorce. I now think I should have really given her space and time more than I have but these dinners and lunches were not altogether my idea (in fact mostly at her behest!).

Summary: This situation is like being in quicksand. Seems like the more you flail around the faster you sink! I read somewhere that it is like that Elton John song about butterflies, if you chase after them they fly away. But if you sit quietly there is a chance they may come to rest softly on your shoulder (not my observation- some other acute soul on the bb).





The 3 laws of DBing: 1. PMA is critical to DBing. 2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical. 3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.