Excellent advice! Your pointers made it to my "Advice for Gabe" file that I use to guide/track my learning. I actually never really thought about her in those terms. Thanks for the concrete examples - I now have a plan.
Journaling
Weekend is going well. I worked out at the gym then ran yesterday. Noticed that most clothing stores don't sell my new pants/shorts sizes, as my waist has trimmed down beyond the typical guys. I've started to check out styles I like, then go online to order the size I need.
Kevin, I thought of your metrosexual comment the other day, and chuckled to myself. My W never pressured me about my clothing or grooming, and I was always more than 'acceptable' just never flashy or headturning. I think she was more comfortable with that, given her insecurities about me. Now, I think my task is to press the envelope on attractiveness, while keeping my actions solid. Ever since S5 made comments about a fictional OM looking younger than me (maybe 3-4 wks ago), I've toyed with dyeing some of the gray out of my black hair, as I've inherited the prematurely greying look that the men in my family have. Looks nicely professorial for a young faculty member, but I'd rather look my age (37) than that of my 50-something counterparts.
Read an article in a May edition of Time mag that glorified women's MLC. I get the mag at the house, and noticed that W had set it aside and read it. She commented on how 'empowered' women were now (I assumed to be able to leave M's), and I thought to myself "If so, how empty is such power." I thumbed thru (to see how MLCers think) before tossing it, just a lot of false bravado about women discovering different things after divorce, kids, careers. Despite their claims of growth, I noticed that most of the 50-something women didn't look/sound genuinely happy, had raised their kids/had careers prior to spiriling into this phase, and were not young 34 year olds with young children (like my W). I think W only has a partial theme of this goin on.
Went to listen to some 'funk jazz' with a WAH coworker last night. Everytime I go out with him, I'm amazed at how hard he works to label his W's or mine's behavior as antagonistic and ill-intended. It gets wearing over time to keep gently presenting a more complex view of things. I enjoyed the music and carried out some flirting with a pretty waitress at a restaurant, but don't quite trust the WAH as an friend. I predict that he'd be a negative influence to any reconciling activity that W and I might attempt in the future, given his agenda regarding his M.
Enjoyed Mass last night, did laundry today. I find myself starting convos with folks I never would have in the last years of my M. I am back to the old me that could see and enjoy the good in every person I ran across.
Hard work today, then a long run tonight. Very hot/humid here, so I may drive to run on the beach.
