Journaling W let me know that she and S5 were leaving to spend the weekend with her parents and brother. So I have Fri-Mon to myself. In the past, this would have crushed me. Now, I feel excited to do "me" stuff, including exercise, guitar, and some fun stuff. There will be some work projects to spend time on, but it'll be a different, fun type of work.
W called to tell me she was taking S5 to swim lessons yesterdya prior to leaving, so I went to watch. W was dressed nicely in a shorts/sleeveless top outfit. I told her "you look very pretty" and she neither thanked me nor bristled, but did brighten. We small-talked and I noticed some 'dead' or awkward moments of silence. I'll have to remember to be more comfortable with quiet, but also to try to have a bit more fun when around her.
As she was going to see her parents, W was likely stressed. In the past, she'd be the most argumentative just prior, and verbally abusive to me following the visits.
She noted that S5 would always look around for me at the lessons, and again he showed off for me when he saw me in the stands. W seems very supportive of my R with him. I found myself sharing about some of my business developments w/ her. Probably need to stop that, as I noticed tension building in her, as if she gets p!ssed off that this success is happening now. The part of me that wants to impress her/be acknowledged by her needs to be fed elsewhere now post-D.
W commented, "Speaking of you and 'buddy' doing so well [financially], why don't you support the cake fund?", pointing out that we hadn't contributed to her 'cake fund' that she started to celebrate folks BDays at work. She didn't have the fund acknowledge my BDAY in the past cause it falls during the summer months. I just gently deflected, noting that I don't eat cake. I wanted to say "Cause I'm paying off OUR debt, I'd rather save for our son than feed folks who don't need more cake, I don't want to support you're kissing up to the crowd, and b/c you don't have the fund acknowledge my BDay anyway!" but I just left it at that. I'm venting here, but it felt very solid, resentment-free to be assertive here - taking care of my needs rather than hers.
I walked them to the car, and gave S5 hugs and kisses goodbye. As I was walking around the car, W and I crossed paths, and I noticed that both of us - not just me - initially moved toward one another as if to naturally hug/kiss in this automatic way before she 'woke up' and pulled back to say goodbye.
I'm looking forward to reenergizing this weekend. I have low expectations regarding W's attitude upon return, but self-care will help me to face it.
W seems very supportive of my R with him. I found myself sharing about some of my business developments w/ her. Probably need to stop that, as I noticed tension building in her, as if she gets p!ssed off that this success is happening now. The part of me that wants to impress her/be acknowledged by her needs to be fed elsewhere now post-D. 
