Yep, the back and forth is very confusing. I think the reality post-D is a bit scary. And so the XW comes back to her toe in the ol' R water every once in a while. Or maybe they are thinking of the kids when they offer such joint activities. At least in my sitch, there has been not a hint of interest in being with me beyond brief convos that seem to focus on her.
My W is 34, and since our S in Oct 04, looks considerably older than she did just prior. She has told me that she does not want another R, yet at the house last night, I saw a receipt/notice for a place that does plastic surgery and hair removal. I imagine she's preparing for a future R by improving herself cosmetically.
In a very polite way, and perhaps triggered by this observation and my definitely not wanting to fund her prettying up for another person, I sent a polite email saying that its time for her to pay for her own medical insurance, her own life insurance, and to contribute to S5's college fund. This adds up to $150 US monthly or $1800 annually. I noted gently that I'd be glad to help but that I imagined her choosing to D me included a desire to not be dependent on me for some bills. I said early that this was my reaction in part due to seeing the plastic surgery/hair removal slip (left right on the couch where I usually sit, so I wasn't spying), but it also was due to an answer I received in prayer a few months back that W hasn't yet felt the reality of her decision. She's been in the comfort of our house, with me buffering her from the financial consequences of her new reality. I really don't care to 'teach' her, but I also want to protect myself. How would I feel if I helped to make her physical changes (whatever they are) and I discovered that she was in an R with an OP?
Struggling with anger/resentment/sadness this morning. Lots of sadness about my D and S5 last night. Feeling some hopelessness, especially with other women sending me interest.
Russ, I'm not dating. I need to sit for abit, as I'm still in the heartbroken mode. The attention does help to feed the PMA, but with one woman's obvious maturity and kindness, this difference from W seems to be feeding my despair that she'll ever change. I so want an R that allows for a give and take, not just giving. She thanked me this weekend for paying off all debt associated with her, but it was so weak in relation to feeding me. A brief stilted comment that she seemed to cough up after several stammers, and that she tied quickly to her own benefits - getting a lower mortgage rate on her condo purchase.
I plan on going dark and just working on myself and S5, and being positive yet brief during any contact with her.
