You did well to change the focus onto something more positive.
It's okay to validate but not to the point where you indulge their negativity (by 'their' I mean all WAS's).
Remember, though, that at the moment you don't have an R, which is why you are doing the giving.
If your association with your W were to develop further and you were on a more secure footing, then she would likely give more and it would be a more even R.
You should keep reminding yourself this when you don't feel appreciated.
Of course, everyone comes to a limit on the amount of DB'ing they are prepared to do before they call it quits. That will ultimately be up to you, but I think you are doing well.
Wanted to see how you are doing post-D. Sounds like things are going well. The D certainly could have helped remove some of your ex-W anger.
I wanted to address a non-DB issue I saw on one of your posts. Is your child support set up already? If so, I don't recommend paying directly to her. But maybe you just aren't set up yet for having it taken out of your pay. I just mention this because at least in the two states where I've done child support you only get credit for it when it goes through the state/district whatever office. What happens if it doesn't go through them they don't recognize that you paid C.S. for the month and then they are taking the "arrears" out of your check in addition to your monthly C.S. Hopefully you already know that and it just hasn't been finalized yet, but I wanted to at least mention it in case your state is a stickler about that. My now ex works in child support enforcement and there are a lot of guys that pay their ex's directly and then are surprised when their wages get garnished and their tax returns taken because the county/state didn't know the arrangement. Then the child support enforcement refuses to recognize these payments even if the ex-W vouches that she recieved the money.
Quote: I've had a very kind, gorgeous business associate make known her interest to me over the past few weeks.
Glad I'm not in your shoes. The gorgeous portion of your statement might cause me some difficulties, especially since she's also very kind. That combination would certainly be quite attractive.
Take care
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Jo, thanks for that pointer about needing to consider time when it comes to giving more to the R right now. I hear you. Your comments about validating gave me a nice idea for experimenting the next time her rehashing old neg stuff happens. I'll try a compromise move of some rehashing and see if that improves things.
Wes, I don't pay the state of FL - it does go to W. One has that option here in FL. We both would rather not have the government involved in the sitch and share that opinion strongly. I give W more that I need to, working in extras here and there, for either her or S5, and it seems to be doing wonders for resolving some of that early anger/hurt, and may even be building up some trust. Paying the government takes away a good part of that, by making it automatic and much less personal.
W called again - with a happy 'reason' to tell me that she and S5 received a nice letter from a Canadian rainforest charity that they donated to (I should say that my home equity donated to! ), and reminded me gently of S5's swim lesson. She brought the letter and other material to the lesson, and this time allowed moments of some semi-close sitting and movement. At the end of the lesson, W disrobed to her swimsuit in front of me. I didn't actively check her out, as she seemed defensive about that last time, but hey, there's progress there, too. Babysteps. So much for my quieted libido, though. W can sure rev my motor like no one else.
Ya Gab, what is it about the Waw and those feeling that can rise up at the wrong time. I had a date this week where I just had no romantic interest for, and all she wanted was no strings and....
Why could I just give that interest to another and move on?
Ahhh, more and more positive baby steps. I truly believe that when we can sort of "let go", do the DBing ways (validate, etc.), just be ourselves, work on being our best, keep the faith, etc. Things can get much better. It appears that your wife isn't feeling the pressure anymore. She seems really happy to be around you and son. Your boy also brings so much happiness into both of your lives. All of this is what it takes for many happy times in the future.
Take Care my friend and hope you all have a good weekend.
Its funny you should mention that, Koshka. Reality is that I've been working myself silly lately and am barely DBing appropriately. I went for a run last night to burn off some emotion. I notice I get waves of sadness at week's end ~ likely due to fatigue. Four wks to go, then my schedule will be saner.
When a buddy from work invited me to skip out at noontime to get some work done and to go boating for a bit, I jumped at the chance. It was great to just hang out. A bit of talk about my sitch, work contracts, but also just fun topics. We both acknowledged that our friendship is a big positive to our university jobs, and our practice just keeps growing. I've noticed tho that when we talk about such things I still fell a pang bittersweetness regarding W and our D, as I know she'd have really appreciated and celebrated these advances in the past.
After getting back from boating, I noticed W had called so I returned the call, kind of expecting her to ask me to watch S5 so she could go out. Instead, she merely wanted to tell me that she and S5 had a great time at a local waterpark. She also asked if we'd like to get a family pass, noting once again that "you don't have to be married, they never check that." I thanked her for taking him and said I was glad they had a great time, and asked her for the cost before saying sure. Interestingly, in our M, she'd never have wanted me near a waterpark due to her jealousy (her view: too many tempting women in bikinis; my view: I'm loyal, its 99% kids,and I'm not into kids!). Either she truly doesn't care about my attraction to others now post-D, or she is trying to loosen up. Not sure.
Tonight: Chinese food, a few beers, and a movie rental. Nice mellow evening, then to bed early for this sleepy Gabester.
W seems to be keeping you updated on things she is doing and that is good. Obviously she has not let go either
The family pass is interesting.....sounds like she might be wanting to do things with you and S5 together as a family Although she is not going to tell you that of course.
You still have a lot of positives. Keep doing what you are doing and hang in there!
Quote: She also asked if we'd like to get a family pass, noting once again that "you don't have to be married, they never check that." I thanked her for taking him and said I was glad they had a great time, and asked her for the cost before saying sure. Interestingly, in our M, she'd never have wanted me near a waterpark due to her jealousy (her view: too many tempting women in bikinis; my view: I'm loyal, its 99% kids,and I'm not into kids!). Either she truly doesn't care about my attraction to others now post-D, or she is trying to loosen up. Not sure.
A couple of observations/thoughts pop into my mind.
I think what's really going on is that W is just leaving the door open for family activities for the 3 of you. Dude, go through the door! Hell, we'll pass the hat here and help cover the cost of the pass!
Something else occurs to me that I'm going to throw out for your consideration.
One of my SO's complaints about my past behavior was my overanalyzing. I'm finally coming to learn that that is really a defense mechanism for me. With that knowledge, it is becoming easier for me to just live in the present, just "be", and not get all bent about how this or that is going to effect the future, what happened in the past, etc.
Might it be possible, with your background, that you may slip into this sometimes?
I guess what I'm trying to say is don't worry about what something means and just accept what is.
), and reminded me gently of S5's swim lesson. She brought the letter and other material to the lesson, and this time allowed moments of some semi-close sitting and movement. At the end of the lesson, W disrobed to her swimsuit in front of me. I didn't actively check her out, as she seemed defensive about that last time, but hey, there's progress there, too. Babysteps. So much for my quieted libido, though. W can sure rev my motor like no one else. 
uss 
Nice mellow evening, then to bed early for this sleepy Gabester.