I've been swamped with work last few days. Buddy and I agreed to go fishing next Monday - forgetting work for a day to show son's how to catch a few.
My sitch ebs and flows. W was not very talkative on Wed, seemed to get angry when questions/comments about my personal work sitch led to answers that painted growing success. W may be both frustrated at her own financial sitch and angry that my increased success is happening now rather than before. Not sure.
It was disheartening to see, but W somehow linked a friend's recently reduced childcare costs to our rough financial time while living in San Francisco when S5 was born. I saw anger bubbling up, but I tried something different and merely kept quiet. I wanted to try silence rather than defensiveness/protest or validation, as I think the former is a cheeseless tunnel (was she testing me?) and the later may merely be helping her stay stuck in the past. After a pause, I started a related topic in the present, much more positive. She hesitated a bit - but then joined me on the convo. Still considering this experiment, as I don't want her to feel not heard, but after nearly 6 years of complaining about one issue, I think she's a bit stuck despite tons of apologies and validation on my part.
I noticed S5's nervousness in our presence, his walking on eggshells likely just hoping/praying for his family. It took my all to stay with As-Ifing in a happy manner, as that choked me up. W brightened when I surprised her with a particular 'bowl' haircut she has wanted S5 to have, as I took him with me to get haircuts last night. Nice bonding experience. We got some fishing tackle and his first fishing pole. Can't wait to teach him how to fish!
I've had a very kind, gorgeous business associate make known her interest to me over the past few weeks. Luckily, she works out of town, as I think I'm a bit vulnerable to considering an easy route, especially with the sitch going up and down still.
The most frustrating feature to me (and the issue most likely to lead me to stop trying) is W's pride/stubbornness. I've been asking myself the following questions: Can a person grow with such a take on oneself? Do I want an R where I do most of the giving?
On my part, I'm way overworking, and will have to keep this up for another 4 weeks. Then summertime finally arrives. I need to work more efficiently to allow for exercise and prayer time, as both have slipped in the last 7 days.
