Hi There. Yup, patience, faith and perserverance. Glad for all the good times you had with son over the weekend. Your wife treating you well, etc. Just happy for you. Sorry to hear about what happened with son at school. Stuff like that has to be dealt with properly. Glad your son has parents like you and your wife.
It does sound like W needed the piece of paper to get beyond her anger and other issues in your old R. She's certainly not acting like someone who's trying to "get rid of you" now.
Keep on keeping' on, dude!
K
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
It was a nice evening - for less than 2 weeks post-D, not a bad event. I'm keeping low expectations though, and I'm thinking long-term plan here.
I, not she, took some steps backward today. S5 had a TBall game, and at the game, another mother came barking at me asking about W's whereabouts. W was late and had volunteered to run the concession stand. W is late to everything, so I didn't weigh this very heavily, but one mother literally harassed me until I told S5 to go with the rest of his team (we were SO close to making a big step with his catching the ball! But we'll have to achieve that another day). I went to volunteer just as W called me to tell me she was running late. Anyway, I snapped back that folks were expecting her (not a useful comment), and she got defensive and started angrily talking about having to work and to run here and there. We both ended the call abruptly.
Then I shifted focus. I found myself able to enjoy flipping burgers & hotdogs on the grill while Angry Mom still stood over my shoulder coaching me how to grill and not taking pointed smiley hints like "I can handle this." I joked with another Dad drafted to cover W's position, and when W arrived the 3 of us had a lot of fun banter back and forth. W seemed to appreciate the guy talk b/t the Dad and I, and she commented here and there as well.
I think we ended up on a semi-positive note, with her complimenting a baseball magnet I placed on my truck for S5, and my noting that she had done well choosing the snacks for the team.
Martha, I realized that I need to keep an eye out for other women's waves crashing (or PMS! ) if I am to navigate the world well, especially if W is in the area, as I don't want to be set off on a negative vibe with her around.
Kevin, yep, I apologized last night via phone and she really appreciated it and stayed on the phone with me for about 40 min to discuss her treatment by this woman. I worked in some fun light stuff and we shared some laughs as well.
At pickup this am, W offered to make me some pancakes! I had to decline due to running late and needing to drop S5 off and get to work, but she was prepared to cook some for me. I'm amazed - first supper on Sunday, now this! She seems so much more at ease with me.
This afternoon, she called me to remind/invite me to S5's swimn lesson and talked to me quite a bit about this "mean" other mom from the TBall game and I was able to do lots of validating for her. After swim lessons, she said she was planning to go swimming with S5 and seemed to hesitate taking her overdress off in front of me to get into the pool, so I cheerily said my goodbyes and left. She later called me to happily note that she had taught S5 how to float on his back!
Very, very, interested. I have to admit I need to review my sitch, cause I don't have a clue what's going on or how/if I had anything to do with it!
I've been swamped with work last few days. Buddy and I agreed to go fishing next Monday - forgetting work for a day to show son's how to catch a few.
My sitch ebs and flows. W was not very talkative on Wed, seemed to get angry when questions/comments about my personal work sitch led to answers that painted growing success. W may be both frustrated at her own financial sitch and angry that my increased success is happening now rather than before. Not sure.
It was disheartening to see, but W somehow linked a friend's recently reduced childcare costs to our rough financial time while living in San Francisco when S5 was born. I saw anger bubbling up, but I tried something different and merely kept quiet. I wanted to try silence rather than defensiveness/protest or validation, as I think the former is a cheeseless tunnel (was she testing me?) and the later may merely be helping her stay stuck in the past. After a pause, I started a related topic in the present, much more positive. She hesitated a bit - but then joined me on the convo. Still considering this experiment, as I don't want her to feel not heard, but after nearly 6 years of complaining about one issue, I think she's a bit stuck despite tons of apologies and validation on my part.
I noticed S5's nervousness in our presence, his walking on eggshells likely just hoping/praying for his family. It took my all to stay with As-Ifing in a happy manner, as that choked me up. W brightened when I surprised her with a particular 'bowl' haircut she has wanted S5 to have, as I took him with me to get haircuts last night. Nice bonding experience. We got some fishing tackle and his first fishing pole. Can't wait to teach him how to fish!
I've had a very kind, gorgeous business associate make known her interest to me over the past few weeks. Luckily, she works out of town, as I think I'm a bit vulnerable to considering an easy route, especially with the sitch going up and down still.
The most frustrating feature to me (and the issue most likely to lead me to stop trying) is W's pride/stubbornness. I've been asking myself the following questions: Can a person grow with such a take on oneself? Do I want an R where I do most of the giving?
On my part, I'm way overworking, and will have to keep this up for another 4 weeks. Then summertime finally arrives. I need to work more efficiently to allow for exercise and prayer time, as both have slipped in the last 7 days.
) if I am to navigate the world well, especially if W is in the area, as I don't want to be set off on a negative vibe with her around.
