I've been #2 so often that I am relishing a new number.
Well, that's been the argument/catch-22, hasn't it?
How much do you get involved and be available to the WAS? I wrestle w/ that constantly and I end up feeling damned if I so and damned if I don't. In my sitch, W has been giving me indications that she wants me to help her w/ stuff involving the K's and the house (Martha has given me a Venutian interpretation on this). So, what does a guy do? I can continue being involved by watching the K's at the house, which has seemed to develop positives for the R, and I can help W w/ keeping up w/ the yard, b/c she has asked me to in her Venutian way, or I can say I'm not going to let you walk over me. Early in our S, I would agree that keeping the distance and setting boundaries was necessary b/c my W was acting like a teenager worse than she is now and that any attempt to show improvement would have been viewed as pathetic.
But now, the ice has thawed a bit and W is more friendly. So, I think one has to take the opportunity to put deposits in the love bank. Consistency is the key. W can't dispute the sincerity of my changes if I stick to them and keep the focus on myself. Maybe I'm a patsy. But, I'd rather give acts of unconditional love, expect nothing in return and sleep better b/c I'm loving the guy I'm becoming. I'm loving myself. If that doesn't foster a change of opinion in W, Man, that's okay b/c I'll be better off and someday I'll meet someone who really values the person I am.
As with everything in DB, it all comes back to your own decisions for yourself. It's about making choices for yourself that reflect the person you want to be. I'm choosing to give unconditionally. As NSN says,"What you focus on expands."
