My H isn't used to being so open either, he's very uncomfortable talking about sex or anything having to do with sex...or our relationship.
The fact of the matter is however; the only way to stop being uncomfortable about something you aren't used to doing is to do it until you are no longer uncomfortable about it. Makes sense doesn't it? If you don't talk about sex w/your partner it feels wierd and uncomfortable when you finally do.
You two are married, you share the most intimate R a man and a woman can share...you should be able to talk about ANYTHING. Think you can give it a try?
Our C gave us an interesting hand-out today (nothing sexual) as an exercise for us to initiate R conversations. I'll post it on here later...there may be others on here who could find it useful too.
Quite welcome. There are a lot of good articles on this site.
Quote: I have read the first few paragraphs and already feel it!! This lady that we saw was just letting us talk week after week with NO solutions. She looked at me on the third visit and asked me what I was going to do about whatever it was my husband had just said, and I told her that's what I was paying her for... she said she wasn't there to give me answers.... ?????????? What? $130 an hour, and she wasn't there to give me answers???
She repeated often that we would never work out; she pitied him for his lack of sexual activity, and told me I had just better do something about it. But what? That was what I thought we were there for, so she could provide suggestions/answers!!
Consider copying the details under When Therapy Hurts as that is the more appropriate area for this. BTW, at least the ex-[I hope for your sake] therapist's fees are deductible (medical).
Quote: Oh, yeah.. she also suggested that he just get me drunk and basically suggested that he take advantage of me then.
That is hardly a solution! You should complain to the consumer protection bureaucracies and her licensing authority. In my case, if I try that I walk a hair-thin line between ML and Exorcist-style projectile vomiting--a sure mood killer for both of us.
Quote: I'll continue reading this article... forwarded the link to the hubby too....
Thanks again
Good call...too bad you didn't read that before.
Now all of you know how I came up with my alias: Why Didn't IFind This Years Ago.
If you are looking for the life ingredient that will automagically make you desire your husband, then you are wasting your time, and possibly waiting on an event that may never occur.
Michele talks about "just doing it". There is a lot of in your face basic wisdom in that statement. You will never get better until you start.
So, have you planned for your next lovemaking session which should be occurring in the next 24 hours or less?
You will never get good at sex unless you practice. Unless you practice, you will never discover what parts of sex you like. Have you ever watched your husband's face when he is having an orgasm?
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
First thing, please understand that I'm not about to suggest that you forget that you have a healthy SD (I too am the HD im my M, so I see your side all too well); nor am I about to suggest that you don't need to relax a bit (I too am gone for 11 hours a day fortunately two of those are at least on a commuter train). THAT SAID:
Quote: The commute is pretty bad so after being gone for 11 hours I tend to want to relax a bit and I probably could help out more.
Quote: Also, I don't think I had the intention of using the anonymous sexpartner site (adultpersonals.com i believe) to actually make dates or anything like that.
Lay off the adult personal sites as they can be too tempting for an unsatisfied HD spouse. I speak from experience as I had myself shredded a Christmas card and long letter from an old flame. No I didn't have an affair, but the idea (at the time) was not out of the question. Bottom line: Spend your online time looking for something closer. As you are employed, you have the option of turning down sucky offers.
Quote: The frequency right now is around once every 6-8 weeks.
Some here would actually envy that--believe it or not. No, I'm not suggesting that you settle for that.
Consider reading SSM cover-to-cover so that you'll see the other side and at least realize that her disinterest is not due to lack of affection (not an easy notion for me to drop).
Well, we hugged lots and such quite a bit yesterday night and then made love. Was pretty amazing and we both had orgasms. Good thing about it was it felt like it used to. It felt very mutual. Apparently taking sufficient time to build up to it is important instead of just asking "Are you up for some sex". Anyhow, just wanted to update you guys, you have been very helpfull
First of all, glad to hear the good news about last night. I know from personal experience that sometimes a battle about lack of sex can leave both of us so fragile that we don't even want to do it, which only makes things worse. So I'm glad both of you were able to get over that hump.
You wrote:
Quote: No, I don't masturbate.
It's not clear from your reply if you never have, don't know how, have mental or emotional prohibitions against it, don't like doing it because it does nothing pleasurable for you or if you just don't currently do it because you don't think of it. I would recommend that if you have no mental/emotional prohibitions against doing so that you start practicing it. There are good books on the subject - sorry I don't have one off-hand to recommend. Get a good quality electric vibrator too and see if that would be helpful. It may help you learn more about yourself and may help "jumpstart your motor". You may even find that if you make a date with your H that it would help for you to get a "headstart" on your own first.
Also, I agree with those who recommend that you speak to your physician or shrink about an anti-depressant without the libido suppressing qualities of Prozac. It seems to me that it was a major error bordering on incomptence for the MC not to have unearthed that fact and not to have suggested that you try a different med.
Also it sounds as though MrDGA needs to learn something about foreplay. Though I guess I can also understand someone who is HD and has gone without for 6-8 weeks feeling somewhat impatient.
Good luck, Doglover
There are many wise, empathetic and funny people here: you are my buddies - I'm grateful for your support.
This is really nice to hear. Now, both of you need to remind yourselves to keep this behavior up...don't sit back on your laurels (either of you) just because you had one good night of ML. Remember it takes 21 days to make something a habit....keep at it.
MrsDGA...if you had any type of "warm fuzzies" from this experience, hold on to those....don't forget what it felt like. Whether the interaction (both leading up to and during) made you feel warm, cozy, cared for...or just down right desireable. Hang on to that feeling to help remind yourself to continue the sexual maintenance on your M.
Mr. DGA....Try to remind yourself that your W may be one of those women who needs quite a bit of warming up and repeat what you did yesterday. Remember that just because she takes quite a bit of warming up that it's not directed personally at you, it's simply her physiology.
Great job you two! It's soooo great when two people are willing to work at this!
DGA. just in case you are interested in what some other women wrote about MB'ing here is a link to a womans web site. MB'ing posts Womens Sexuality Home page Some of the other sections have helped me to understand my W a little. I would say she and so many other LDW's have some common traits, so I and many others will be reading your thread with the thought of maybe using what works for you as a couple.
MDGA, I am in a position like you are in. W almost never thinks about sex and could go a long time with out. I know a little how you feel. I hope you can keep the good vibes flowing.
