Ok.. GreenEyedLass, no, my reply wasn't intended to sound angry. I apologize. I was feeling very desperate at that moment... a bit less so today after a good night's sleep. We were having yet another one of our sex-triggered battles yesterday, and they sometimes become extremely emotional. Yes, he can be grabby, angry, persistent and often whiney. (major turn on, huh?) And honestly, sex NEVER crosses my mind! I NEVER feel an urge, interest or anything. I don't find it distasteful. Yeah, getting the motor running IS the hard part. I simply don't even feel like starting!
HDSocial, please do tell me more. What types of therapy are we talking about? Any negative side effects?
Hairdog, he's reading my thread about every ten minutes, so he's here!! No, I don't masturbate. And yes, I do want to locate a pro-marriage therapist! This lady we saw three times just kept saying stuff like "oh it will never work.. no way it can work." AAAHHH... Yeah, that gives me lots of hope!! ha ha. Looking for a therapist who is also ABS certified within our area now.
InHerJourney, you are correct that I am feeling pushed and rushed to "fix" things. He has said several times lately that he is happy on most levels of our marriage, but not this one, and yes, he has said he may leave. The therapy was a mutual decision. We went into it hoping to find some answers, but for me, it just made me feel worse. The only positive suggestion she gave me was to go to my doctor and have the lab testing done, which has come back as "normal", leaving me feeling further frustrated.
Naturally, in the early days the adrenalyn and such had me all charged up for an active sex life. I was married for 20 years prior, and felt no sex drive then, and now it's back to the same thing. I'm simply not a sexual person.
We are both reading the Sex Starved Marriage. He got to the "just do it" part and acted like there was nothing more to read! He is finally back reading some more. I am just wishing that there were more helpful advise for the LD spouse.
On Easter morning, I woke up and went to check my email, and I don't remember how I found it, but I discovered that he had been looking at some web site to pair up anonymous sex partners. That was a major blow out that day. How was I supposed to feel about something like that!! I felt violated and deeply hurt.
Now, back to the "too busy" part.... I have never ever been the type to sit still. My previous marriage I worked around the house and the yard because I wanted to and also it was my job as a stay home mom. But my husband now is not the physical type. His largest muscle sits between his ears, and he thinks for a living. He has the hands of a surgeon. While his dad and his brother were building things and working on cars, my husband was baking cookies with his mom. I don't care, I love him EXACTLY the way he is. HOWEVER, I am the one who has to do all the housework, yard work, car maintenance, home repairs, etc... plus, I do the cooking, laundry, dishes, pet care, pay the bills, etc... I generally go to bed feeling exhausted, and often unappreciated. Not too many wives out there who take on the jobs that I do. No, I'm not patting myself on the back, just clarifying that yes, I stay very very busy. This therapist that we saw thought that the magic soloution was to hire a housekeeper... that would make me horny!! DOH.. wrong!
Again, I bring up the age difference; I am peri-menopausal, and he's a young stud ready to go to work!! That doesn't help our situation one bit either! But neither of us cares about the age difference as far as "WE" are concerned. We love each other very very much! But it is part of the problem!
Ok.. I guess that will do for now.. I'll go have some more coffee!
