I find this BB very helpful (though if you are a very busy working person and want to spend your free time enjoying your H and working on your issues, you may not have as much time to post as some do here).
There are many wise, empathetic and funny people here. [To all of you: you are my buddies, the friends I can discuss things with that I don't talk about with my friends in RL (real life). In this society where everyone is supposed to be thinking about sex all the time someone with LD is often embarassed to admit they feel differently.]
These are some of the things which are helping me: 1. I read SSM. 2. I am working on thinking about sex, feeling sexy, on a daily basis. Some of the things which are helping: - Reading this BB daily reminds me of the issues daily. - Reading some books on the subject, both how-tos and fantasies. - Noticing and fostering the little flickers of desire I felt before but squelched (I was "too busy", "too tired", annoyed at H because he hadn't helped clean up the house but now he wanted sex, whatever). - MBing much more often (for me, desire follows arousal - the more frequently I do something sexual, the more often I feel desire). - Reminding myself to "just do it" - Stopping some of the hinderances such as late night phonecalls or late night email which take my attention away from my H at a critical time and also make him feel neglected. - We feel more emotionally intimate (and I feel more receptive and more sexual) when we have more cuddling time - even sitting side-by-side on the loveseat watching TV is good for me - even better if we're watching an R rated movie (porn doesn't do it for me). 3. We have scheduled an appt with a counselor. I went to the AASECT website http://www.aasect.org/ to find a counselor who will deal with R (relationship) issues and also sexual issues.
Anyway, some of the things you may want to think about: - are R issues are relevant in your case? - did you ever feel more sexual in your marriage and can you replicate some of the situations that make you feel more so? - can you achieve orgasm either with your H or on your own? - can you make a decision to "just do it" for the sake of your H and your M? Setting a schedule, planning for and anticipating a "date" on a regular basis may help your H and may actually help your LD.
good luck! Doglover
There are many wise, empathetic and funny people here: you are my buddies - I'm grateful for your support.
