H called thursday afternoon and had taken some kind of detour and wasnt sure where he was. He asked me to look on the map for him to find out where he should go....he was very short with me. I helped him and he said he was going to go..I could sense the frustration in his voice. About 20 min later, he called back to apologize for yelling at me. I told him thanks, and that I understood it was frustrating. H calling to apologize, itself was a BIG positive!
Friday afternoon, H called me "just to say hi"...I almost dropped to the floor. This is actually the first time he has called me for any other reason than looking something up for him on the computer. WOW...I almost cried!! In the past year, when H would go away for 2-3 days, he would not call at all and like I said, if he did, it would be because he wanted me to do something for him on the computer. We had a good conversation and it was nice to hear the "sincerity" in his voice.
H called me the Sat. morning again too...wow!! I was always planning on calling him, but everytime, he beat me to it, which was such a nice feeling, because it meant that he actually wanted to talk to me, instead of him just talking to me because I had called him. H said he got into a "shuffle" with some guy at the bar the night before, but hardly remembered it. THAT scared me. I dont like when he drinks so much. Which seems to be a lot lately. Sometimes I get really worried that he will end up like his father who is an alcoholic. His father, starts drinking at 10am and drinks all day most days. Back when H and I first started dating, H would get drunk and then cry to me that he was scared he would end up like his dad. I dont even know if he remembers telling me that or not, but I almost want to bring it up to him, just to let him know I get worried sometimes too. Who knows, maybe H thinks since he only drinks couple nights a month (but gets really bombed those nights) that he is not like his father. But I think anyone who loses control when they are drinking, or who cannot just have a couple drinks and know when to stop, has a drinking problem. That is just my opinion, but having a father who is a recovered alcoholic and a brother who is an alcoholic...I just really worry about this kind of thing.
Wow, got waaay off track there...my Sat was so much fun. Friend of mine invited me to come to her apt and sit by the pool with her for the afternoon and then later her fiance and his "bachelor party" were going to meet us and other friends and party for while and then go to Dave and Busters to play some games. So I went, knowing I would not know anyone but friend who invited me and her fiance, but I thought, I can still have fun, and I did! We sat in the sun (90 degree weather) for 5 1/2 hours! boy was I red!! It was such a good time and really was something for me to be proud of. I would have usually just sat home when H was gone, but now, I had lots to tell him!! I even got hit on..hee hee, which brought my PMA up, even though it was all innocent!
H called again Sunday morning, and I told him about my night. Not sure if he was jealous, or proud of me, but it felt good to be telling him something instead of how I just sat at home!!
Last night I was sad...not sure why. Think I missed my H!! But was also afraid of when he comes home. Why??? Not sure...maybe not sure how he is going to act when he comes home? When I called him last night, he was visiting with his mom, and that got me to start thinking....the last time he had a visit with his mom...last summer, he was telling her how he was in love with OW and didnt want to be with me anymore. Then about every couple months since then, he has been telling her he just didnt have the feelings of being in love with me. Well, the last time he said he had told her that was back at end of January, so now I was just wondering if he was telling her something different. So, I was just sad....and EXHAUSTED..and decided to just go to bed at 8. I took tylenol pm and slept so good til 6 this morning!
While I am nervous about H coming home, I am still very much excited!! I really did miss him ! I told him that on the phone once too, but didnt get response back. I want to go up and give him big hug when he gets home! Just hope I dont chicken out!
