Well, guess its time I checked in....this week has been pretty good. H left today to go back to SD until Monday. He has family reunion and since his sister or mom are not going to be there, I decided not to go. Just too many things could cause some problems. For one, his female cousin, who I REALLY do not like will be there...she drives me crazy..hangs all over the guys and she's related to them!! EWWWW! Anways, I decided would be better for me to just stay here, then H could go have good time and not worry about me. Plus, time away for us it always good. H always seems to really miss me when we have some time apart. Plus it always gives me some time to "focus on myself" too, which I have really neglected doing the past month or so. So that is what this weekend will be for me...doing for ME!!
So, yesterday, I asked H if he had lots to do to get ready to leave today and he said yes. I told him I would help him so that we could maybe watch a movie together or something. After the daycare kids left, I helped him as much as I could, then sat on the couch. He *seemed* to be avoiding me, or at least, thats how I was interpreting it. He did have lots to do, but some of it I thought he could have done in the morning, since he wasnt planning on leaving until noon. Well, it got to be around 8:30, too late for a movie, so I started to get ready for bed. Then H went and sat on couch. I was furious!! I did everything in my power to hold it in and try not to cry...I did shed a couple tears....I really didnt think I was asking for too much since he was going to be gone for 4 days!! Again, I felt like I was second or 3rd, in his life, and not first, like he is in my life. He didnt sit on the couch very long and I think maybe he could feel the "vibe" I was giving off that I was a little upset. I went to bed w/out a word and not long after, he came to bed...which was at 9, so for him, that was an improvement, bcuz usually its closer to 9:45. I layed there and thought to myself, "I do not want him leaving tomorrow and me feeling this way", so I just decided to "love him" and let the anger go away. We ended up ML and he rubbed my arm for a little while after while we cuddled. That was nice and it felt good that I was showing him what he had to come home too..hee hee
This morning I so wanted to roll over and cuddle with him...but was afraid to. WHY?? Not sure...its hard to explain...
He got up not much later than I did today and started getting everything ready...he didnt have any jobs to do this am, so he decided to take off early...which is fine, bcuz I didnt want him driving so late at night by himself. He came to me and said he was leaving, so I went to give him hug and he actually squeezed me and held me for a while. I wanted to kiss him, but since I havent been feeling well lately, didnt think it was good idea. I told him to drive safe, good luck golfing, and to have a great time! Also told him to call me if he gets tired and I will keep him up, bcuz he knows I am good at talking..hee hee!
Wow...so weird, a year ago, he was leaving to go see OW and it KILLED me. I remember feeling anxious for a week before he left, and the good-bye SUCKED!! Then I would cry for hours after he left!!
Now, I feel pretty secure in our M, and no OW is not in the picture any longer, so it makes his going away so much better. Plus, like it said, it gives me time to give myself some focus again.
So, here are some things that I plan on doing for ME this weekend: 1. Listen to KLA cd's, becuause I am sooooo far behind!! 2. Catch up on some reading 3. Take a nice bath....I was doing this once a week about 3 months ago, but for some reason, I just stopped...I need to start doing it again.. 4. Do some shopping 5. Give myself a manicure/pedicure 6. Keep up with my exercise routine ( want to look da@@ good for H class reunion in July!)
