Ok, this is my biggest fear...that I will not get the affection that I want and that I feel makes a M complete, but also that eventually that want will just go away and we will go on living w/out it. It seems so easy for H not to hug or kiss me, and this has going on for HIM for over a year now!! For me to not be able to hug and kiss him freely, whenever I want, it used to be harder..but now its like I just forget that its even supposed to be a "normal" part of a healthy M. That cannot be a good thing, can it?????

I asked H for hug yesterday before he left, and he pretty much just stood there, while I hugged him. Yes his arms were around me, but there was no squeeze or pressure and honestly, those only make me feel worse.

I need some opinions here on what to do....maybe we are both so out of "touch" with the hugs and kisses and that is why they feel so uncomfortable to both of us and so instead we just choose not to do them. H says its because he just doesnt feel it. So what I am thinking is that maybe, without prompting or asking, I go up and give H a hug and kiss, maybe start out doing it like 2x per week. Slow enough that is doesnt seem like pressure from me and also w/out me asking, he doenst have to feel like hes being pressured to return it, but with me surprising him with it, he might not be thinking so much about "I dont really want to hug or kiss her" and it will just come natural to him. What do you think??? Any advice? I guess I could even try if for a while and see what happens, right? Kind of gauge his reaction to it.

OH, I texted H last night that I was out having good time with friends and hoped he was too and goodnite and see you tomorrow. He did text me back, "nite" so that was good!! He hasnt done that in about 6 months!!