Yesterday was a very good day for H and I. Actually one of the best we have had in while! He is starting to open up to me so much more..just by talking to me about what is going on in his life..its such a great feeling.
Our softball games were cancelled last night, so we decided to go out to eat. We went out and had nice meal and then came home and watched a movie. H let me cuddle up with him on the couch and even after the movie, he kept coming back to the couch with me to cuddle. We went and got ready for bed and then "I jumped him" hee hee . Something I dont do very often, and he was very surprised. After we watched some TV and cuddled some more I was so tired, I decided to go to sleep.
I thought that we had had such a great day I was going to try and kiss him on the lips goodnight. Well, I leaned over and its almost like he knew..he raised his head up so that I had to kiss him on the cheek. I said good night and thanks for the great night and rolled over and had tears in my eyes. I just dont get it????? Is it me?? Why does he do that???
He kisses me intimately when we are ML, but not a simple kiss goodnight? To me a kiss while ML is a lot more intimate than a kiss goodnight. Is he afraid that if he lets me kiss him once, I will want it all the time. I wont..sh@@ I would give anything just for him to let me kiss him once!!!!
Anyways, so I had to have all the positives go through my head before I could go to sleep...and I did eventually fall alseep.
H got up in middle of night and got sick..we think it might have been something he ate...I got up and made sure he was ok...brought his pillow out to couch for him, got him couple blankets and a heater, made sure he was settled and went back to sleep.
I give and give and give and want one simple little kiss goodnight and he cant give me that?
I keep wracking my brain trying to figure out why? Why cant he kiss me or hug me or even touch my body any other time other than when we are ML? What makes is so hard are the words he said a couple months ago. He said " I want to WANT to hug and kiss my wife hello and goodbye, but I just dont feel that for you". Maybe that is why it makes me so sad and I keep focusing on it so much. I just dont know...but I do know there will come a time when I will need those things and I am afraid what might happen if he cannot or will not be able to give them to me...
Oh, I almost forgot..this is a big one too!! On our way to go out to eat, I mentioned to H that friend and I were going to try and go golfing at a small golf course near town, since I am still new to golfing. I told him I want to get in some practice before going out with him since hes such a good golfer. H then said that he didnt sign me up to do the golfing part at his reunion because he didnt think I would have wanted to go. I said, thats ok, you can go ahead and I can meet you up afterwards. WOW!!! For him to actually think of me golfing with him and his friends!! You have NO IDEA how big this is!! It sure did set the stage for the rest of the night I think...I felt so happy, it was easy to be happy!!
. Something I dont do very often, and he was very surprised. After we watched some TV and cuddled some more I was so tired, I decided to go to sleep.
I said good night and thanks for the great night and rolled over and had tears in my eyes. I just dont get it????? Is it me?? Why does he do that???
