I was reading thru some of Sage's post (hope you dont mind Sage..I borrowed this from your post) and came across this wonderful revelation:
Quote: The last few days have been an eye opener for me (couldn't someone just slip me a note or send me an email with these messages instead of bonking me over the head with them?)...informing me that I am NOT the only one in my M who yearns to heal, who is afraid of loss, who wonders if the other truly loves or chooses "me", who needs to hear "you are doing a good job", who regrets the mistakes and wonders how to forgive "myself", who pushes away in order to reach out sometimes, who feels spent, who seeks pain relief, who is confused, who wants but fears the wanting.
We both want to be loved and to love and we worry about our ability to do that
There are times when I think about that...maybe H is afraid too...and also wonders why I am taking him back and why I forgive him?? Well, then its just something we are both working on together then, right?
I withdraw, I get anxious, I hold out on "putting myself out there", I get afraid to give too much just yet for fear of getting hurt...and its only reasonable that H would feel the same exact way, right?
Last night was a positive for us...I messed up on some bills, by accident, because I am always multi-tasking. Well, I spent 45 min yesterday afternoon getting it all figured out and did get it all figured out with no problems or anything.
It was actually all quite hilarious, sooooo, I decided to tell H. (There was no way I would have told him otherwise)Well, he did NOT think it was hilarious at all.
He gets very concerned about finances and credit reports and stuff..which is a good thing,but...WOW!! He just started going off about how I could have had a late payment, been bad for our credit report, etc. I just listened, even though I was fuming mad (he made me feel like a child).
When he was done, I said, I understand how you feel, but it all turned out ok, nothing was hurt..god was looking out for me. Then I just sat there quiet. I didnt think it was worth an arguement...and eventually H said...Im sorry, I didnt mean to lecture you...WOW!! That was so nice. Would have never happened before.
He seems to be a lot more considerate of my feelings lately and its so nice. Not that he never was before...but while the EA was going on and he was trying to be considerate..sure didnt have the same affect..
Things are good, I just have to realize we are BOTH trying to work out the bugs in this M.
