Just thought I better check in before we leave on our trip.
H and I are going to CA to visit some friends for 4 days!! I am so excited and I think it will be good time. This is first time we have gone anywhere on long trip together in long, long time.
Yesterday was in "anxiety" mode. I think the cause was H sister and family were here and it started me thinking about how things would be if H and I were D. I get along with his BIL so well!! And the twin boys they have just love me. Plus his sister asked H if he was ready to have a little one now...and he said "no". I realize how I react when people ask me..just because I am so unsure of us, probaly same way H is feeling right now. So, I was having a "sad" day...I feel better today though.
Time to list some positives: 1. H brought me some chocolate yesterday when they all went shopping, but I had to stay and work. 2. H cooked supper for everyone last nite. 3. H and I discussed what things to take on trip and how to pack lightly. 4. H asked me if there was anything I needed him to do this morning before we leave. 5. H marked 2 people on his class reunion sheet, to let them know how many people will be attending!!
Things Im struggling with: 1. Wondering if H will ever want kids with me 2. Wondering if H is here to stay, or just holding on til something better comes along. 3. Wondering if I will ever get any type of affection from H that I so much want.
So, just going to go away this weekend, have a GREAT time and enjoy myself. I am so excited...plus its gonna be interesting to see how H reacts to me knowing people because I was there last year. Hmmmm...
Will catch up with you all when I get back on Tuesday!!
