May 20, 2005 Power Of Action Avoiding Stagnation Many people believe their journeys are taking them to some end where their lives will reach a plateau. They envision their days being similar in nature, with few upsets or alterations. But they have forgotten that change and action are vital parts of existence - steps that at times inspire us gently and, at other times, goads us on roughly. To stagnate is to turn your self into your own roadblock. It can bring your personal growth to a halt. It is possible to forget that your choices, actions, and ability to create are the keys to your happiness and fulfillment. When faced with a negative situation, it can seem easier to stay put and not rock the boat. And when settled into a positive situation, making new choices and starting new projects can feel like too much effort.
But everyone needs mental motion to continue to grow, and that requires that you keep taking action. Letting yourself fall into a slump can lead to depression and leave you wondering why you were once excited about life. If you begin to feel that you're stagnating in a job, a situation, a relationship, or even a mental state, ask yourself what choices you can make to help yourself move on. Or, if you are in a satisfying place in your life, what activities you can do or projects you can undertake to spice up your mindset. Remind yourself that when one project or phase of life has been completed, it's only natural to begin the next. Likewise, don't get caught up in believing that your life has truly reached a standstill. There is always some choice or action, however small or seemingly insignificant, that will help you to abolish your roadblock and move ahead.
Stagnation can always be avoided, no matter what your situation, by trying something new. While casting off the burden of an unsatisfying job may be too drastic a change, learning to rock climb or tap dance, enjoying a new style of cuisine, or becoming involved in a hobby are all means to push forward, to continue learning and growing, and to walk the most enlightening path.
Thanks Mel---I was wondering if you had lost me...hee hee!
Journaling:
Well things are going so well, and its very hard and scary to say that, because it seems that when I do, things start to go bad. Ok, but not this time! I am going to stay positive!!
The past couple days, H has been spending lots of time with me..just in general in the house. I have not went to him or asked him for anything. We made a HUGE breakthru yesterday I feel.
H left house and he was gone for while. When he came back, he seemed distracted and upset. I asked if something was bothering him (the whole time thinking it was because the printers were not working and he thought it was my fault). He kind of shrugged his shoulders and looked as if he wanted to tell me, but wasnt sure. Then I said, "you know you can talk to me about anything if you need to", to which he went on to tell me about arguement he had with his dad earlier. I just listened to him and validated how he felt, because I know how much of an a$$ his dad can be at times. For us this was HUGE! H felt comfortable enough to talk to me..I cant even remember the last time he opened up to me about something bothering him like this.
We also had some problems with softball yesterday..someone cancelled at last minute, meaning we had to find a sub and fast. Well, I knew H would stress over it, so I tried to find sub on my own, but afternoon was closing in, so I knew I needed to tell him. I did tell him and said I didnt want him to be stressing all day and that I had tried to take care of it, but couldnt find anyone. I thought he would freak out, but he handled it pretty well. We ended up going to the game thinking we would be playing with 8 people, but ended up picking up another player at the ballfield! Woohoo! H was very good about everything and even though we were losing, he seemed to be in a pretty positive mood. We lost by one point! Shucks!! Then we came home and one of the players came over and we hung out with some beers and watched basketball.
Ok, now for the biggie! I have been watching H watch me dress, undress, walk, WHATEVER..he has had his eye on me this past week. I took a shower and got into bed and H initiated ML with me! And it wasnt the same ol' feely, grabby...he was so sensitive and loving about it! Honestly, I cant remember the last time he initiated! Maybe like 6 months ago! So, yes, I thanked God for H last night! Of coure then I "pumped up H ego" in hopes that he will do more of this in the future!
And, I slept like a baby!
Today the plan is to go to Home Depot, get some plants, go to driving range and then go home and plant. I asked H to maybe help me a bit he usually doenst help me with the planting...but I told him it would be a good way to get rid of his farmers tan! Hee hee!
So GREAT to hear some good news. Loved it. A bit jealous, but LOVED it.
H signed me up to play softball with him starting next Tuesday. Haven't played in a while, but should be fun. I just don't know how it will be playing with him. Last year OW was on the team instead of me
Have a great day planting flowers. It's airport day at the local airport, we might check it out. Free flights for kids---scary, but really cool!
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
In life, the difficult periods are the best periods to gain experience and shore up determination. As a result, my mental status is much improved because of them. --The Dalai Lama
Life is a process of meeting and solving problems. Solving problems is a way that we test and develop our spiritual muscle. Think of outstanding people such as Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi, and Helen Keller. Lincoln faced the problem of a divided country; Gandhi, an oppressed India; Keller, her personal handicaps. In rising to meet their vision, courage, fortitude, and compassion, they became great not in spite of, but because of their problems.
Problems often come to us in the form of crisis. The Chinese glyph for the word crisis contains two symbols -- one means danger and the other opportunity. When an obstacle is before you, use it to create a beneficial result. As with Lincoln, Gandhi, and Keller, let your problems bring out your greatness.
Rather than pray for a life that is problem-free, ask for one that is solution-full. Instead of requesting that God remove the mountain before you, seek the strength to climb it. Remember that the best students always get the toughest problems. Love the problems you have, and their priceless gifts will be yours.
Well, this weekend was wonderful. I got done all my gardening and planting and I am EXHAUSTED! H and I went out for supper Sat night and had a good time, then came home and watched part of a movie, but we were both so tired, we didnt even get to the end of it and went to bed.
Sunday, we had to go get a new printer, scanner, copier. Ours pooped out on us this past week and we both need it for our jobs, so we went to get that and then went to Home Depot to get some rock for the yard. It was kind of nice, we hardly ever do any type of "shopping" together anymore and I miss that...even though I dont push it anymore..I do really enjoy when we go look at things for us or for our house..it gives me a feeling of the future! When we got home, H helped me with the rock and then mowed the lawn. Another busy day, but we got so much accomplished!
Ok, one thing that has been worrrying me has been this class reunion thing. I have been anxious about asking H what his plans are for it. So, perfect time last night because I had to figure out what days I am taking off in July to let the daycare parents know. We had a good discussion about what days to take off..he was very understanding and listened well to my reasonings and I also listened to his. We came to an agreement on which days to take off, which was awesome! Then I asked him if there was anything that I was invited to do that had to do with the reunion, because I wanted to plan my days when I would be going to see my family. He said they were playing golf sat morning, then family get together in afternoon, then dance that night. He said you can come if you want...(ok, not exactly the invite I would have wanted, but was enough for me) I said I think that would be fun! He really seemed ok with the fact that I wanted to join him...so I am pretty excited!!
So all that anxiety was for nothing!! Plus I have great reason now to lose couple pounds and win everyone over with how beautiful I am!! Hee hee!! Give my H something to be proud of!
I also decided not to go back home in June with H, to his family reunion. His sister wont be there and I could just be setting my self up for a bad time. I told my H and he seemed ok with it, and maybe in a way, relieved. Now he can go and have a good time with no worries about how I will react. It also helps me to save up my days off for July.
So, all in all, great weekend..and this coming weekend we are going to CA together to see some friends. His old HS classmate married friend of mine from college. So, it should be a GREAT time...it was just last Sept that I went out there to visit them by myself, because I needed to get away from here and show some independence to H. I had never flown by myself before. I went and had a BLAST...while H was with OW and that is when she called off R, even though he said he was planning on doing it anyways. But he cut his trip short that weekend and called me a lot...while I had a great time!! CRAZY!! Anyways, this will be nice for us both to be going, TOGETHER!!
I am glad to see your efforts are paying off. I am a little jealous of you, I am happy in my sitch right now but would die if my W iniated anything.
Look back at what you have been doing the past week or so and see if you can discover anything you have doen different, it may be you have stumbled on something that hits home with him.
This is such great news. I am proud for you! You are awesome!!!!
Through honest giving of my love I will recieve 10 fold in return.
Just because a person does not love you in the way you want, does not mean they do not love you!
What I have been doing different is being patient, having no expectations and allowing for separateness.
I just finished reading book "This Is How Love Works" by Steven Carter. Very good book..I recommend it to anyone! The last chapter focuses on the last secret for keeping your love going. Its called "Allow for separateness" Here are what allowing for separateness DOES mean: 1. Giving up control --I have been doing that 2. Giving yourself permission to be separate -- I am working on this 3. Taking time to care for yourself -- I have really been focusing on this one. 4. Learning to be alone -- well last year during EA, I had no choice but to learn to be alone..and now I am fine with it. 5. Allowing your partner to be a whole person -- I have done this one too...letting H be who he is and not try to change him. 6. Allowing yourself to be human -- I an working on this one too... 7. Learning to trust -- Big one for me...I have always had hard time trusting people and now with EA having happened, you would think it would be worse, but I have come to realize its when I DONT trust is when I smother and things go bad...so I DO trust my H.
Ok, but not this time! I am going to stay positive!!
Of coure then I "pumped up H ego" in hopes that he will do more of this in the future!
