life is changing

[sage]

What do you think the source of the "bad day" is after the fact?
Each time we are together I sense his unhappiness with life and that would include me. My best efforts get me
no closer to a happy M. Planned or unplanned activities do not seem to matter.

So, if I'm reading this correctly you get together, you ASSume he's unhappy (by interpreting his mood? or because of stuff he says?) then you ASSume you are part of his unhappiness and that makes you feel down?

What an evil trick your mind is playing on you! (Mine does it all the time!). Can you talk back to your ASSumptions? Can you act "as if"? Can you plan activities that seem to generate more positive feelings? (movies, exercise, whatever?)

Is it that you get down about not being totally back together?
Being with him tells my instincts he isn't doing this for us, it is for our kids. Any reason will do, but the battered empty feeling of rejection is hard to continue with...many of us know that...

So, more mind activity, huh? I'm not saying it's not hard to shut it off (because I KNOW that it is) but if you're going to let your brain run the show and it's trying to protect you, it will give you worst case scenarios all the time. Don't you think it affects your mood and how you are WITH him? What will it take to shut these thoughts off?

(The book I recommended to Faith "Self-Coaching" is all about this notion).

Michele would ask "are there times when you don't get down after you go out with him? what's different about those times?"
We went to the botanical gardens and enjoyed just walking and holding hands.
H said a few complimentary things which made my day.
When I can get a compliment to him before we go anywhere it helps sometimes
The bad days are defintely attached to fatigue... I have several more journals to look back at. The frustrating part now is I realize I've done a backslide.
I will return to walking and eating healthier. It made a big difference.
I have no plans for GAL and before I was doing weekly things.
When I let H become the focus of my life, I get unhappy.
H still is taking care of H first. Not much left for me or D17. I think that I need to detach and really detach.

This list above sounds like a template for goals, don't you think?

Planning activities that you both enjoy

Working on appreciating him verbally

Keeping up your PMA through exercise, etc

Etc.

How about it?

The stress I feel with H around distresses me, I don't sleep well. I then work on not enough good rest...that makes me crabby which is not my norm.
I need to accept the reality of the sitch. Which I haven't been able to even face, yet.

I'm not sure which reality you're referring to but I suspect that it's going to be a pessimistic one, right?

Can you make a bargain with yourself to not judge the interactions for a while? To act "as if" and really focus on getting your pma back up, etc?

Easier said than done. I know. Babysteps for both of you, though...

Sage