Sage, Thank you for your help. What do you think the source of the "bad day" is after the fact? Each time we are together I sense his unhappiness with life and that would include me. My best efforts get me no closer to a happy M. Planned or unplanned activities do not seem to matter.
Is it that you get down about not being totally back together? Being with him tells my instincts he isn't doing this for us, it is for our kids. Any reason will do, but the battered empty feeling of rejection is hard to continue with...many of us know that...
Michele would ask "are there times when you don't get down after you go out with him? what's different about those times?" We went to the botanical gardens and enjoyed just walking and holding hands. H said a few complimentary things which made my day. When I can get a compliment to him before we go anywhere it helps sometimes The bad days are defintely attached to fatigue... I have several more journals to look back at. The frustrating part now is I realize I've done a backslide. I will return to walking and eating healthier. It made a big difference. I have no plans for GAL and before I was doing weekly things. When I let H become the focus of my life, I get unhappy. H still is taking care of H first. Not much left for me or D17. I think that I need to detach and really detach.
The stress I feel with H around distresses me, I don't sleep well. I then work on not enough good rest...that makes me crabby which is not my norm. I need to accept the reality of the sitch. Which I haven't been able to even face, yet. Midwest
