Journaling The quiet weekend took a different path. D20 with new baby here with me to help with jaundiced baby (there isn't anything to do once on the biliblanket thing). However D20 needed me to be present in her world. She went home happy a few minutes ago with much more confidence about new baby. All I did was be in the same place.......
Wish it was that easy to fix M. H was here and did agree to give me more time. I can't figure out what went wrong. I'm stuck. Good thing the KLA tapes are on their way.
H again gave me a lot of room. He only spoke to me if asked a direct question--may be "punishing me". I fed him well and kept PMA.
Coworker feels I am assuming a victim role again and wants me to identify it and deal with it. How come I'd do that again, it was the pits. This was like getting hit with a mack truck. If my H thrives on me squirming then he has succeeded.
I long for normalcy in my life. However, I am reminded that the normal of the past was not even real. So, what is it that I want??? Probably security, safety and love. Meet all my basic needs...
I have an assignment for C tomorrow. I keep thinking about what do I want and how am I going to get there. The basic assignment. I want my M restored and I'm gonna DB until I get there. I bet that was way to pat an answer...LOL. Be more specific and what steps will it take to get there. Sometimes I have no idea. Part two of assignment, rules for the separation to help with the reconciliation. I have no clue how to do those...should be interesting. Remember how much fun dating was, I wish this would be like that.
The morning comes way too soon. Any suggestions on the above appreciated. Midwest
