I am aware that the hurts are huge and open to the possibility that the damage might be too great. What concerns me most is what it has done to my R with my other dd's. I'm not sure that I will ever feel the same about them again.
LISTEN UP ALL PEOPLE WANTING TO DIVORCE - DON'T DO IT, ALL IT DOES IS DESTROY THINGS FOR YOUR KIDS AND GIVE YOU MORE REASON TO FIGHT.
However, although I know this and deplore some of the stuff he's done, likewise, I don't feel I am mentally ready to lock that door on him, esp. given the really good 4 and a half months we have recently had. When he said he loved me, I believed him and I still do. I just think that both he and I have so many demons from our past, it makes it hard to have a positive present.
The thing that really makes me sad is that on all other levels we get on great. We make a good couple, it's just the kids we argue over. We can't parent together. I blame him for taking them and I think they're mine so he stole them. He blames me for getting depression and thinks they're his. He tells me when to have them and what to do. I say no because that's not enough and it's controlling of him.
So we end up getting nowhere, bickering with each other, damaging our R even more and hurting our kids.
I have no idea what to do about it, sort of DB'ing, and at moments like these, I doubt even that.
I tried the legal route - that just made things worse - and I asked him ages ago if he'd go to family therapy (with the kids present too) but he said no.
DB'ing, although full of pitfalls, had more positives for my sitch than anything else I have tried.
It's just so hard to stay strong all the time.
On the plus side, this strange man I don't know has been constructing me a new website because he knew the other one was offline and he just emailed me today asking me what I think of it! His W is apparently a home eding parent who knows Andy so that's how he knew me and this email came out the blue like an answer to one of my prayers!
Also, I have organised to take part in that university research during the time dd4 is away so that will take up 1 day at least.
