A small update, as I saw him but not for very long.
This morning I went to the IVF clinic to do a full family and medical history which took an hour and I thought they were going to refuse me because of the pelvic disorder I suffer with, but the dr said that was okay, he would just operate with me under general anasthetic.
I then had to have 7 blood tests - I felt faint when the nurse walked in with these 7 vials but luckily she only had to needle stick me once and got all the blood out from 1 site.
Apparently I will have to inject myself every day for 12 days when the time comes and they are going to train me so I can do it at home.
They blood tested me for HIV, Hep B, a whole load of other STD's and this type of anemia which is only got by Greek people (lucky me) so I had to have 1 extra blood test than the British donors.
Then she gave me these forms and on it is a page where you can write a message for the child created by your egg - except I don't have a clue what to write. He will be reading my message when he's 18. It's the only communication I will ever have with him so I want to get it right.
What would you want to know about your genetic mother if that was you? I can't think of anything profound. I have brought the forms home with me to think about what I can write.
They have arranged for me to see an ethics counsellor as they need my consent for how they use any embryos. I told them there was no way they would be allowed to thaw out any of the frozen embryos as this is like abortion to me and I can't stand the idea. They accepted this.
I now have to wait for the results of my blood tests and assuming they are all okay, I will then have to go in for the next phase, which will be the counselling and a trans-vaginal camera to see my ovaries.
They have to match me by looks and blood type to the parents of the child so they won't be ready to do the operation till August but that is fine with me as I can prepare myself mentally. They will use my eggs for 2 couples.
Anyway, I went home with a sore arm and cried for 10 minutes - I think the blood letting must have released some emotion too. Plus I was thinking about my dd's as I had to tell the hospital about their births as part of my family history.
I rang H and asked him to bring DD4 home. He said our mate Jon was staying there and still in bed (in the afternoon!) and as soon as he woke up, he would bring DD4 home. He said maybe 1 hour.
I figured that means 2.
He was over 3 hours later, but he did phone me to let me know he was coming (I didn't answer his call - he left the message on my answer machine).
When they arrived, I opened the door and he said 'You look terrible, are you okay!?' (I did look terrible, I felt really washed out and emotional). There was surgical tape strapped to my arm so I showed him that and told him that is why I don't feel so good. I don't think it was really that, but I thought it was a good excuse and wouldn't wreck my DB'ing. He asked me what happened so I told him about the 7 vials.
He said he couldn't stop today because he hadn't fed the kids and ex-ow isn't cooking anymore since I told her. She is letting him do more stuff for them. They weren't with him so I guess he must have left them with her.
He then apologised to me about being so late and said Jon is a lazy arse who didn't get out of bed till 2pm, so I guess they must have been drinking last night. I told him it was okay. I know Jon myself, he's a nice man at heart so I wasn't bothered.
DD4 was wearing this jumper I bought her for Christmas which he never returned and I'd asked him loads of times and didn't get anywhere, now suddenly, I get the jumper back
Then he said 'You haven't sent me those work emails.' I was AMAZED as he usually shows no interest in my work and I have to ask him to do stuff, now he's reminding me because I didn't do anything! I told him I would email him documents this evening. I am still amazed by this.
He told me to take it easy and rest and then he went.
Jo, it sounds like he is wrking "WITH" you, not against you.
Quote: He said he couldn't stop today because he hadn't fed the kids and ex-ow isn't cooking anymore since I told her
I am hoping this will help you in the long run Jo. Andy might appreciate your contribution of raising the girls when he has to do more of the work himself. I know I did.
My kids are angels compared to the one's that live round here!
I am really upset but can't call H because of the DB'ing so I'll write it on here now.
There are a few schools near my home and for the past several months, nearly every time I go out on foot, something happens.
It started off with a bunch of teenage boys jeering at me (aged about 12 to 15 yrs) and then progressed into josling me. I was worried for dd4 who has been with me on all these ocassions. There's name calling, swearing, sexual obsenities shouted at me (also with dd4 there), pointing, etc.
Then today I was just outside the post office posting my work stuff and this group of teenagers (boys and girls), shouted 'oi you, he fancies you!' Plus another load of name calling, laughing and pointing at me down the street.
I have been putting up with this for months, and am sometimes scared to leave my house if it's anywhere near 3pm school closing time.
It's because of my disability. They just look at my legs and don't think I'm human. They don't see the person I am underneath.
I am appalled that kids could talk to an adult like that. When I was their age I would NEVER speak to an adult like that. What on Earth are their parents like???
I've even had 14 yr old lads shouting 'oi darling, give us a BJ!'
I never say anything as I am scared it would incite violence.
I mentioned it to my friend and she says I should get taxi's but I don't see why I should pay just because of some shitty little kids with no manners.
H doesn't know - I hardly tell him anything about my life. I walked home near to tears and wished I had just stayed indoors all day.
He showed nice concern for you. You both communicated well. He offered and pursued an act of service for you, which will give you a chance to thank/reward him, thus pulling him closer in the future.
Wow - that would be an important message - only one at age 18. Maybe a comment about your rationale for gifting his/her parents so, and your hopes for him/her regarding life? You're a gifted writer - I'm sure you'll think of something wonderful.
He's showing nice thoughfulness toward you! Seems like your sitch is turning!
That stuff with neighborhood punks really stinks. I'd take a picture of them or call the police. They need to be identified and their parents informed of such behavior. Calling the police will allow you to be assertive, will document it, will bring some parents into play, and will start the process of holding neglectful parents accountable.
Importantly, it will teach the kids that this bullying behavior is not acceptable, hopefully before it escalates.
Quote: H doesn't know - I hardly tell him anything about my life. I walked home near to tears and wished I had just stayed indoors all day.
Any thoughts about what I can do?
Why not - very calmly, matter of factly, maybe in an email - share this with H? Not in a needy way, but in a "hmmm, I have a problem here that I'm not sure how to deal with, how would you handle this H?".
That way you accomplish two goals - - you give H a problem to think on (and a solution to come up with). Guys like that - just don't shoot down his suggestions (no matter how dumb!). - it also forces H to think about what his absence does to you and DD4
These kids are bullies, you are an awesome person. I try to ignore any comments made like this, however when it starts to cause you to be intimidated something needs to be done.
Sometimes I have just went up to the bullies and talked to them. If they see I am not bothered by their BS, then it make take away their so called fun. This may work if they are just bratty teens. If you are really scared of them and think they are thugs then get the law involved. Can the Police help? Are there laws against harassment?
My prank phone calls stopped when I made a threat back, "If you call here again I will involve the FBI!" (2 weeks gone by and no phone calls"
I don't know about telling your H, in my sit. I told XW about the prank phone calls and what I was going to do. If someone is bullying my kids or XW I would want to involve the law. I would tell him if he would be supportive to you and help with telling the police. If he is calm and avoids confrontation with people have him come along at a distance so he can witness what they are doing. This wouldn't work for me, I may end up taking them all on so be careful.
Jo, most of all remember they are no where near the person you are. You are helping others with their pain and these low lifes are trying to make life miserable for you or anyone else they think they can intimidate.
You are a wonderful lady don't let them get you down.
Jo. I vote for Ellie's suggestion. When you tell Andy, do not sound like your D4 is in any imediate physical danger but that kind of language is something you do not like and think your D4 should not hear.
I like taking pictures idea too. If you do take/snap pictures, do it at a distance. Some of the thugs I worked with would get physical if you went up to one and took/snap a picture close up.
Quote: It's because of my disability. They just look at my legs and don't think I'm human. They don't see the person I am underneath.
I disagree with your view of this, Jo. I've seen a picture of you, and you are a very beautiful woman. This doesn't excuse their behavior at all, but I just highly doubt that they are seeing you as non-human. They likely see a very attractive woman who may have a possible vulnerability due to her disability.
You've received some nice advice from the others on this.
