Thanks for that. Normally I don't say anything as I understand everyone on here has a wounded heart etc and normally I am mild in temper but I was just completely fuming so I couldn't not say anything at that time.
I was feeling quite good that day because I managed a no sex R with H after he got scared and the normal pattern would be, he would be really nasty to me, we would fight for weeks and then he would come back. This time he got scared, we are still talking. We made up with each other after that row and he's not being horrible. He seems to be sorry and is asking how I am which is totally different to his usual behaviour.
For the first time I have told him he's not getting any sex while it's like this and I have stuck to it and will continue to do so. I have never done this before.
I'm not wearing his jewellery anymore (first time in 3 years) so he has to notice that and I don't automatically invite him in. He just comes in.
So I think some things are definitely different and that I am making an effort to change boundaries.
The reason I am going to college is because I am learning computer stuff and web design so that I don't have to ask him anymore. I am trying to be independent but obviously learning a new skill takes time. When he left he took half the skills I needed for my business with him. I will be qualified myself in a few months and find it really disheartening when I try to make efforts to stand on my own feet and people still get at me.
When he first left, I was hospitalised on suicide watch, with OD's, slash marks across me and dr's forcing me to eat. I couldn't even make myself a cup of tea. It took me 6 months to learn how to do that because the first time I tried, I got two cups out - one for him and one for me, and then I realised what I'd done and I was on the floor sobbing. I refused to make myself drinks in case it happened again.
I've come a long way since then. I've raised a baby on my own (she's almost 3), got over depression and taken my business back. I am TRYING.
I've DB'ed my head off for 2 years and been through hell too and it bugs me to death that some people obviously think that because I give good advice (that's my training) I don't have any feelings.
It's really hard to keep my PMA up when everyone is so negative about me, my H and my kids. H feeds me negative stuff, so do the kids, so does my entire family and now I get it on here too.
Staying centred and focused is so important to me, and I just found myself all tearful and with writer's block on a crucial scene because of this BB.
