Why don't we drop the co-dependency talk for a bit?
Jo,
I like what Lou said about H working more on the R now.
I imagine that male vs. female LBSs have rather different experiences with issues like acts of service (AOS) and ML. IMHO, female LBSs seem to be able to draw positives out of AOSs occasionally offered by the WAH. The trick here seems to for him to offer and follow thru, then for you to praise him for thinking to do it.
Jo, this is what you need to tweek - let him offer and let him follow thru. If not, have a plan B set up and carry that out without any resentments or expectations toward him. He'll see you got it done w/out him, and this will pull him toward you, especially if you keep the how you got it accomplished mysterious or vague (e.g., it could be an OM, or it could be that you truly don't NEED him anymore).
Positives? He noticed your outfit! And you did a great job pointing out that you had handled your girls just fine w/out his aid.
Think about why you rush in with a request for H to meet. Is it fear/frustration/...? Try to set up an alternative (counting to ten silently, visual stop-sign, deep breathing) so that you reduce this, and then be ready to prompt yourself to reinforce him sizably for his R work.
P.S. I did send for a book and I did note an email getting rejected.
And you did a great job pointing out that you had handled your girls just fine w/out his aid.
