Thanks for this. I feel a bit defensive now. Your PMA helps.
My feeling is, a few weeks ago he said ILY for the first time in 3 years, he was talking about commitment ceremonies and that has NEVER happened before in these past years.
He let me have eldest dd on her birthday and that's never happened before either and on one occasion in the last few weeks, he asked me to watch them instead of ex-ow.
I feel like I moved mountains considering everything we have been through and I get a bit disheartened when I have 1 setback in several months and everyone wants me to take him to court
I don't believe my kindness is exceptional, just that I took my vows seriously so I believe that unless you are being raped etc you should not D. I don't take the promises I made lightly which were not snuffed out by the D because clearly we were still having an R when it went through.
If it wasn't to work out, which it may not, and I was lucky enough to meet someone new, I would take my new M with as much seriousness as the first and be as steadfast.
There is no point promising if you don't mean it.
Re the ex-ow, I have tried to broach the subject but she just says she is worried about my girls. She will be forced to go eventually when he does.
I have stated to her she can still visit my dd's after she moves as they all have R's with her and love her so it would be selfish of me not to allow it.
I will just not give myself physically to him and try to exercise more PMA.
