I went down the legal route for 2 years of this time. I exhausted the British legal system. There is simply nothing more I can do - I can't even get anymore legal aid and I couldn't afford the fees.
Not only that, but the aggression it causes with H makes it not worth it. It upsets me to the point of depression, pulls our dd's in two, and makes him the enermy instead of my H.
I was driven crazy almost to the point of suicide last time round so I know that out of the two options I have, DB'ing is the easier one.
If I were to pursue any kind of action, they would not even let me see a lawyer until we had first been to mediation - which is counselling for H and I.
This STILL involves ASKING H for involvement with my kids and having him turn me down on everything but the 2 days a fortnight I have never wanted to accept, with zero other involvement in their lives.
It's only AFTER he says no to that, that I would have grounds to enlist a lawyer and even after that, we'd get the same biased GAL officer we had last time that would write all offensive reports about me, interogate me for hours etc etc.
In all likeilhood it would take another 2 years by which time my eldest dd would be 11 (and she was only 5 when he left) and the SS (social services) would probably convene a section 37 review and put the kids in care.
Last time around, my H was threatened by the judge with a penal sentance for breaking my orders. So if I went down that route I could end up with a H in prison and my girls in foster care, and that includes DD4 so I would risk losing her too.
Believe me, DB'ing and working on our R's is much easier and less risky than involvement with the authorities.
Aside from anything else I love this man and he says he loves me which I believe.
I believe his problems are due to emotional illness and while there is still feeling there, I will not quit as then I won't have done everything I could to save my R.
I want to stay true to my vows until there comes a time when both of us no longer loves the other person.
