I think with my H it's partly because he *won* custody of the 3 older kids so he somehow thinks they are totally his and he doesn't like anyone else including me trying to have any input in how they are brought up - aside from babysitting help.
Also, I agree that he is terrified of any kind of disagreement and sees differences of opinion as conflict. He seems to have this attitude that if I loved him and if we were a suitable match, we would agree 100% of the time and any variation of opinion is seen as doom, gloom and disaster for our R.
He was always this way because his parents divorced and this had a bad effect on him and he even told me that the reason he wanted to D me is because his parents divorced and his mother was happier after, so why not him? They were his exact words.
Nearly every time we disagreed he would think it was a row even if it wasn't and I think during our M he did a lot of what I wanted because he was trying to avoid differences in opinion.
I only realise this in hindsight.
He was also very scared of me leaving him even though I never would and, for instance, if I was tired with the kids (we had 3 kids under the age of 4) and we didn't ML for 2 weeks, he'd ask me if I still loved him.
Now I think he is realising that you can't buy happiness by getting a D and in my opinion he will never find anyone who will agree with his way 100% of the time.
I hope to be able to help him see that different opinions are normal as well as showing him unconditional love which he has never seen in his parents.
I will keep it platonic for now so he knows he cannot continue to conduct the R like that and hopefully that will do the trick.
