Jo, I am glad that you can control your anger, that is a huge plus for you. If some way you can figure out why he gets cold feet it will help. I have a hunch it has something to do with he thinks he will lose his control over deciding what the children can do and what they can't.
My XW takes any opinion of mine that is different from hers as a reason why we should not be together. Some things could easily be worked out if we could somehow come to a solution together. There are many decision that are made daily that I try to say ok to, even if I would prefer something else. I have to or I will endanger our future R.
I really think that your H got cold feet because of the difference in opinion over piercing dd ears. There may certainly be other factors also, but when someone is a WAS, or going through a MLC, or whatever the proper name for their behavior is, they all seem to have a false sense of what a happy M is. EI they may think there should be no difference of opinion, no disagreements, etc.
My XW wants a M with fairy tale romance forever. She thinks the butterflies and the excitement of the honeymoon yrs should last forever. That her heart will beat faster everytime she is with her man forever. She thinks happy marriages have no disagreements. Her soulmate is flawless and will forever give her happiness if only she finds the right person. (these are the thoughts of a teen who has fallen in love for the first time)
Again it is great you can control your anger, but I feel that if your sweep to much under the rug you will continue to feel alot of resentment. Resentment will bring your PMA down and he will notice even if you don't say anything. I think if you can somehow figure out how to get enough of your thoughts and opinions across to your H so that you don't feel resentment and at the same time not to much so he still feels he is an important part of the decision. If you both can feel like you are important and needed parts to the puzzle I think major progress can be made.
I want so much for you to get your family back together forever. I will pray for you.
